Boundaries should keep relationships healthy, but sometimes even a well-meaning relative can forget that doors have locks for a reason.
In this post from r/TwoHotTakes , Reddit user Liftg9vt shares how her cozy life with her fiancé turned uncomfortable the moment she discovered her future mother-in-law was rifling through her closet. The twist? The lady didn’t just wander off while visiting them—she did it secretly, when nobody was home.
This has left Liftg9vt wondering how to put a stop to it before wedding vows turn into an open invitation for even bigger invasions of privacy.
When somebody gives you a spare key to their house, it doesn’t mean that you can enter whenever you want
Older woman organizing clothes in a closet, symbolizing tension about house key access and fiancee not knowing about it.
But apparently not everyone understands this
Fiancee upset after discovering MIL has house key without her knowledge in their shared home.
Text about fiancee upset over mother-in-law having house key and invading privacy by going through clothes.
Text excerpt showing a fiancé casually admitting his mother-in-law has a key to their house, causing tension.
Text excerpt discussing a man not understanding why his fiancee is upset about MIL having their house key without her knowledge.
Woman in an orange sweater looking upset and confused while talking to man about fiancee mad over MIL having house key.
Text from a woman describing tension with overbearing MIL having their house key without her knowledge, causing conflict.
Text on a white background asking if thinking MIL having the house key without fiancee’s knowledge crosses a major line.
Different people have different understandings of how close in-laws are supposed to be
Some people who commented on the story were quick to suggest ultimatums or even breaking up as possible solutions to the conflict. However, the woman may actually have been acting in favor of the relationship, not against it—she might simply have a different understanding of her role in the family.
LuAnn Oliver, a couples therapist in Washington, D.C., notes that “in some family systems, an in-law is warmly welcomed as somewhat of an equal … In other systems, the in-law might be in more of a secondary role to the original family member.”
So, it’s important to be mindful of the circumstances before escalating the tension.
Oliver suggests these questions to help partners understand each other’s family systems:
- How did your partner and their family navigate family relationships before you came along?
- What role does your partner play in their immediate family?
- What are the family’s patterns of communication?
The therapist also recommends identifying boundaries that will help you and your partner grow closer together and co-create your own family unit, one where you’re on the same page about what works for you both.
Points worth considering include how much time you’ll spend with each family and how you’ll spend it, what constitutes overstepping, and any rules around children. There may not be clear right or wrong answers; ultimately, the husband and wife get to decide what’s best for them.
Ignoring these issues won’t lead to anything good. A study of 371 black and white couples over their first 16 years of marriage found that those who disagreed about how close they were to their in-laws were more likely to divorce than those who agreed on their boundaries.
Four adults discussing and playing a board game, highlighting tension over MIL having their house key without fiancee’s knowledge.
People had plenty of reactions to the woman’s story and shared what they’d do in her shoes
Comment discussing issues with MIL having a house key and the fiancée not knowing about it causing conflict.
Screenshot of a social media comment discussing shared boundaries in a relationship and frustration over MIL having house key without knowledge.
Text post showing advice about moving out for privacy and not compromising when fiancee’s mom has house key without knowledge.
Man confused why fiancee is upset about mother-in-law having house key without her knowledge.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment advising to visit r/JUSTNOMIL about a man upset over fiancee mad about MIL having house key.
Comment on social media expressing frustration about fiancee not knowing MIL has house key, causing relationship tension.
Comment discussing confusion over fiancee’s reaction to MIL having house key without her knowledge.
Screenshot of a comment discussing issues between fiancee and mother-in-law over house key and relationship problems.
Text post discussing concerns about fiancé’s involvement and issues with mother-in-law having house key without her knowledge.
Man confused about fiancee upset over mother-in-law having house key without her knowledge.
Text post describing frustration over MIL having house key and lack of communication causing privacy and relationship issues
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing privacy concerns about a MIL having a house key without the fiancee knowing.
Comment about man confused why fiancee is upset over mother-in-law having house key without her knowledge.
Reddit comment discussing boundaries and tension over MIL having house key without fiancee’s knowledge.
Comment about man confused why fiancee upset over MIL having house key without her knowledge in relationship dispute.
Text advice on setting boundaries when fiancee is upset about mother-in-law having house key without her knowledge.
Comment discussing man’s confusion over fiancee being upset about mother-in-law having house key without her knowledge.
Comment advising a serious talk about boundaries with MIL having house key, addressing fiancee’s concerns, and home privacy issues.
Comment expressing shock over fiancée’s privacy invasion and secret key possession by mother-in-law causing trust issues.
Screenshot of a discussion about fiancé upset that mother-in-law has house key without her knowledge.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment about a man confused why his fiancee is mad over MIL having their house key without her knowledge.
Screenshot of a forum post discussing privacy concerns about mother-in-law having a house key without fiancee’s knowledge.
Screenshot of a forum comment about a man upset over his fiancee’s reaction to his mom having their house key.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing concerns about a man’s fiancée upset over MIL having their house key without her knowledge.
Screenshot of a comment discussing a man not understanding why his fiancée is upset about MIL having their house key.
Reddit comment discussing fiancee upset about mother-in-law having house key without her knowledge.
Comment discussing boundaries and issues about MIL having house key without fiancee’s knowledge and the resulting conflict.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing gaslighting and relationship issues involving a man, fiancee, and mother-in-law key situation.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing issues with fiancee upset over mother-in-law having house key without her knowledge.
Comment about man confused why fiancee is mad that mother-in-law has their house key without her knowing.
Comment about fiancee upset over mother-in-law having house key, warning about boundaries and relationship red flags.
Man confused why fiancee is upset about mother-in-law having their house key without her knowledge.
Reddit comment discussing trust issues around mother-in-law having house key without fiancee’s knowledge.
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