Parents can’t do it all themselves. In fact, about one in six parents admit they get help from a babysitter at least once a week. Granted, most of them pay the sitters or thank them in some other way. But one mother expected free child care , and at her sister’s party, nonetheless!
A woman was asked to look after her friend’s sister’s kids at a party because she’s “good with children”
Woman babysitting children in backyard, playing with them near a hammock on a sunny day.
But because she went to have fun, she didn’t want to be the default nanny
Woman sitting on couch looking upset while holding phone, reflecting frustration after being used as babysitter.
If you feel any resentment towards a friend’s family members, it’s better to tell them than to pretend everything’s fine
It’s natural not to get along well or not to like your friend’s family members. After all, you’re friends with them and not their family , right? Luckily, not like with romantic relationships, you don’t have to force yourself to be friends with your friends’ siblings.
There’s really no point in engaging in relationships that don’t give you anything back. Research from Ireland and the U.S. shows that negative social interactions and relationships can increase the risk of depression and anxiety.
If the other person just uses you and has no courtesy of treating you as someone more than a free babysitter, perhaps the best course of action is to say “No.” But how does one do that effectively?
- Be clear and concise. Avoid phrases like “Um, I don’t know,” “Maybe,” and “I’m not sure.” Leave no room for the other person to misinterpret your ‘No.’ Instead, say something like, “No, sadly I can’t” or “No, I’m not able to do that.”
- Still, try to be polite and graceful. Rejecting somebody can seem rude, but if you use the right language, there’s less room for the other person to be offended. Add phrases like: “I’m honored,” “I greatly appreciate you asking,” or “Thank you for thinking of me.”
- Keep explanations brief. If you feel like you have to explain yourself, be concise. Keep it short and sweet. But remember – you don’t have to make excuses. “No” is a complete sentence.
- Offer an alternative or another resource . When you can’t or don’t want to help, try to be gracious and offer the other person some possible ways out of their situation. If you can’t babysit now because you want to enjoy the party, tell the mom you can arrange something in the future, if she’s still looking. And, preferably, for a price.
Whether an ‘Irish exit’ is appropriate depends on the circumstances of the event
Some people believe that leaving without saying goodbye is one of the rudest things a guest can do. Often called an ‘Irish exit’ or an ‘Irish goodbye,’ this gesture can offend a party host who’s close to you. But it can also (as it did in this story) signal that the guest was unhappy with something.
According to Diane Gottsman, etiquette expert and founder of the Protocol School of Texas , whether an Irish exit is rude depends on the circumstances. Generally, if it’s a big party or function, an Irish goodbye might be more appropriate.
But in more intimate environments, this kind of gesture might seem more rude. “I do think that a ‘thank you’ after an event is always appropriate,” she said in an interview for TODAY . Generally, she doesn’t recommend leaving intimate parties, such as friend dinners , abruptly.
“A quick and friendly goodbye to the host, or at least a smile and a wave, is the best ‘au revoir’ you can manage,” Gottsman explained. “It’s the polite way to end an evening and leave your host thinking you are a wonderful guest.”
Gottsman also lists some other reasons when leaving a party without saying goodbye would be totally appropriate.
- You suddenly feel ill;
- You get food poisoning ;
- Your nanny just cancelled;
- There’s a family emergency.
People sided with the woman, but wondered why she didn’t speak up and just say “No” to the mother
A woman leaves friend’s party without saying goodbye after her sister unexpectedly uses her as a babysitter.
Comment discussing a woman leaving a friend’s party after her sister used her as a babysitter without respect for her role.
Alt text: Woman leaves friend’s party without saying goodbye after her sister uses her as babysitter, feeling petty and holding a grudge.
Comment explaining a woman leaves friend’s party without saying goodbye after her sister uses her as babysitter, expressing frustration.
Comment on sister using woman as babysitter, highlighting frustration and refusal to babysit without consent.
Comment criticizing sister for using her as babysitter and urging to stand up for herself at friend’s party.
Text post showing a user explaining feeling like a babysitter and leaving a friend’s party without saying goodbye.
Comment discussing a woman leaving a friend’s party without saying goodbye after being used as a babysitter by her sister.
Text comment about a woman leaving a party upset after being used as a babysitter by her sister without saying goodbye.
Screenshot of a social media comment advising a woman to set boundaries instead of babysitting at a friend’s party.
Comment about woman leaving friend’s party without saying goodbye after being used as babysitter by her sister, posted online.
Screenshot of a social media comment discussing a woman leaving a friend’s party after her sister uses her as a babysitter.
Text comment about woman leaving friend’s party after being used as babysitter by sister, discussing free childcare expectations.
Comment about sister using woman as babysitter causing her to leave friend’s party without saying goodbye, reflecting frustration.
Comment about a woman leaving a friend’s party upset after being used as a babysitter by her sister.
Comment text about a woman leaving a friend’s party after being used as a babysitter by her sister.
Comment about woman leaving friend’s party without saying goodbye after being used as babysitter by sister.
Comment discussing a woman leaving a friend’s party without saying goodbye after being used as a babysitter by her sister, advising better communication.
Comment discussing judgment of sister using woman as babysitter without consent, leading to woman leaving friend’s party.
Alt text: Woman leaves friend’s party early after sister uses her as a babysitter, showing frustration and disappointment.
Screenshot of an online comment discussing a woman leaving a friend’s party without saying goodbye after being used as a babysitter.
Screenshot of a comment saying speaking up prevents being treated like a doormat after being used as babysitter.
Comment about woman leaving friend’s party after being used as babysitter by her sister, expressing support and advice.
Screenshot of an online comment about a woman leaving a friend’s party without saying goodbye after being used as babysitter.
Woman leaves friend’s party upset after being used as babysitter by her sister without saying goodbye.
Screenshot of a comment about a woman leaving a friend’s party without saying goodbye after being used as a babysitter.
Comment discussing the awkward situation of being used as a babysitter at a friend’s party without saying goodbye.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing limits of babysitting while attending a friend’s party.
Screenshot of a comment describing a woman leaving a friend’s party early after being treated as a babysitter.
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