It takes two not just to tango but to keep family gatherings from turning into passive-aggressive battlegrounds. And Reddit user AlderMoonstone says her mother-in-law has been taking (subtle) digs at her parenting for years.
The last straw came during her husband’s birthday dinner, when the lady began criticizing her in front of everyone. However, after the woman called the mother-in-law out, she quickly flipped the script and played the victim. So the Redditor decided to ask the internet if she was wrong for escalating the situation.
Some people love giving unsolicited advice
Woman and mother-in-law in heated discussion on sofa, woman looking upset after being shamed in front of others.
But this woman’s mother-in-law takes it to the next level
Text excerpt about a woman publicly correcting her mother in law after being shamed in front of everyone.
Text excerpt showing a woman with strong opinions on motherhood and equal childcare, related to MIL shaming conflict.
Text excerpt describing a woman addressing shaming from her mother-in-law during a family dinner meltdown.
Young girl with pigtails shouting angrily, expressing strong emotions after being shamed in front of everyone.
Text excerpt showing a woman describing being shamed by her mother-in-law in front of others, feeling humiliated and angry.
Text excerpt about a woman confronting MIL after being shamed about parenting in front of everyone.
Text excerpt showing a tense family moment where a woman shames her MIL in front of everyone.
Woman holding tissue crying, emotional reaction after mother-in-law shamed her in front of everyone.
Text excerpt describing a woman defending herself after her mother-in-law publicly shamed her, causing emotional tension.
Alt text: Woman makes mother-in-law cry after public confrontation and shaming, showing no regret for her bold response.
Sadly, this is the reality for many moms
Mothers of young children face numerous parenting decisions every day, from feeding methods and diet to sleep position and safety. Some mothers have a support system that encourages them during the challenging times; others — just like our Redditor — face negativity and criticism of their choices.
The C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health asked a national sample of American mothers of children 0–5 years old about their experiences, and most of them (61%) say they have been criticized about their parenting choices, most frequently by family: their spouse or child’s other parent (36%), their in-laws (31%), or their own mother or father (37%).
Mothers report less criticism from peers — friends (14%), other mothers they encounter in public (12%), commenters on social media (7%) — or from their child’s health care provider (8%) or childcare provider (6%).
About a quarter (23%) have been criticized by three or more of these groups.
Overall, 62% believe that mothers get a lot of unhelpful advice from other people, while 56% believe that mothers get too much blame and not enough credit for their children’s behavior.
As was the case this time, discipline is the most frequent topic of criticism, reported by 70% of criticized mothers. Other common topics of criticism are diet and nutrition (52%), sleep (46%), breast- vs. bottle-feeding (39%), safety (20%), and childcare (16%).
Mothers describe different — and sometimes conflicting — responses to criticism about their parenting. Many seek additional information about a specific topic, either searching for information themselves (60%) or asking a health care provider (53%), and 37% have made a change in how they parent. While 67% of mothers say that criticism made them feel more strongly about their parenting choices, 42% indicate that at times, criticism has made them feel unsure about their parenting choices.
Half of mothers say that they avoid certain people who are critical, while 56% have stopped criticizing other mothers after experiencing criticism themselves.
However, experts believe it’s often best to take a beat before you snap back
Marriage and family therapist Sara M. Klein, LMFT , says the key to dealing with a meddling mother-in-law is to bite your tongue, and — when in doubt — imagine you’re all part of a National Geographic docuseries.
“One strategy I might use,” Klein explains , “is to pretend you are an anthropologist and just observe and describe. This will help with judgments.”
Rather than rolling your eyes when she criticizes you — which is quite likely happen — Klein suggests saying something like, “It’s interesting that your family does it this way”
If you’re really tempted to drop a snarky line when your mother-in-law keeps intruding in your marriage, Klein warns against deflecting responsibility.
“Blame and shame are not effective relationally. They shut people down, and there is no space in between.”
Instead, she suggests saying, “We made a decision about this and we are happy to discuss our thought process with you.”
When it comes to parenting, the expert explained that it’s normal to want to parent differently from how your in-laws raised their children.
And statements like “We’ll never do that with our children” can feel like a direct critique of how your in-laws raised your spouse.
Instead, try: “We’re trying to limit screen time while the kids are little — it’s just what’s feeling right for us right now. But who knows, ask me again in six months,” Klein explains.
Reddit discussion about a woman making her MIL cry after being shamed in front of everyone, highlighting MIL issues.
Screenshot of a Reddit thread where a woman shares how she made her mother-in-law cry after public shaming.
Most people said she’s not the jerk in the situation (NTJ) and criticized her husband for siding with his mother
Comment thread discussing a woman standing up to her mother-in-law after being shamed publicly.
Comment section discussing a woman making her mother-in-law cry after being shamed in front of everyone.
Comment from user Impressive-Union6961 discussing a woman standing up to her MIL who publicly shamed her.
Screenshot of a comment about a childless woman discussing family issues and making her mother-in-law cry online.
Text comment about woman making MIL cry after public shaming, highlighting disrespect and public confrontation.
Reddit user shares experience of setting boundaries after MIL shamed her, highlighting disrespect and family dynamics.
Comment defending woman who made MIL cry after public shaming, emphasizing no apology needed and calling out gaslighting behavior.
Commenter discussing MIL disrespect and husband’s role in handling family conflicts in an online forum conversation.
Online comment discussing a woman making her mother-in-law cry after being shamed publicly in front of everyone.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a mother-in-law shaming situation and advice on resolving family conflict.
Woman makes mother-in-law cry after public shaming during a family confrontation about respect and boundaries.
Screenshot of text discussing a woman defending herself after her mother-in-law shamed her publicly.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman making her mother-in-law cry after public shaming in front of others.
Reddit comment about a woman confronting her MIL after being shamed in front of family, sparking drama.
Text comment on a forum screen showing advice about standing up to a mother-in-law who shamed a woman publicly.
Text comment saying You have a husband problem, illustrating a woman making MIL cry after being shamed in public.
Comment on a forum about a woman making her MIL cry after being shamed in front of everyone, discussing husband problems.
Comment on a forum discussing a woman making her mother-in-law cry after being shamed in front of everyone.
Comment reading I never understand when people are encouraged to respond to public criticism in private with 6 points and username AlGuderian.
Reddit comment praising a woman for making her mother-in-law cry after public shaming in a heated family dispute.
Screenshot of an online comment discussing a woman making her mother-in-law cry after public shaming.
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