I can’t imagine the pressure that parents feel when naming their children. Finding a name that has a positive connotation, that both parents love and that, ideally, won’t leave their child being one of 10 Sarahs in their kindergarten class can feel like an impossible task.
But when in doubt, go for something classic. If you find yourself resorting to the name of your favorite Transformer or Pokémon, you might be better suited for having a pet, not a child.
Redditors have recently been sharing the worst names they’ve ever heard for children, so we’ve gathered some of the most atrocious ones below. Please don’t take any inspiration from this list when naming your own kids, pandas, and be sure to upvote the names that you hope aren’t actually on birth certificates!
3 sisters named Precious, Pleasure, and Desirees Cox. I’m not even kidding I wish I was….
Ok_Ice8840 , Priscilla Du Preez Report
Labia. No. I am not joking. Pronounced La’-beeuh. Poor sod.
GarethOfQuirm , Pixabay Report
I work at a school… We have a Khaleesi, a Goku, a M’King, Carr’money and a Sir. Parents these days are absolutely as insane as you think.
SomeJerkAtWerk Report
I worked with somebody whose first and middle names were Tequila Sunrise She said her mom named her that because that’s how she was conceived.
asselfoley , Timur Weber Report
Went to school with a kid who had a full beard, was 6ft4 and wide as a fridge. His name? Angel Darling.
chestofdrawers02 , Beard Kid Report
My mom was a 1st grade schoolteacher in a very rural southern area. She once had a kid named Orgasm. I…had no words.
vectaur , Alexander Dummer Report
Went to school with a girl named Shtanya. She once said something really horrible to me so I told me mom who said “Who told you this? What? You’re gonna get st talked by someone named ‘St on you’? Tell her to get bent.” Next time she mouthed off I let the one fly. She never recovered.
TransitTycoonDeznutz Report
Siblings: Brodeo Rodeo and Justa Cowgirl.
Afraid-String , Ted McDonnell Report
Former mailman here. The name that takes the cake is Marijuana Whiskey. Immediate_Revenue_90: There is a college professor named Marijuana Pepsi
RnbwSprklBtch , Terricks Noah Report
I read about a child whose mother named her Treblinka. When asked why, the mother said “Because it’s so pretty!” She didn’t care about the history of that name at all. (For those NITK, it’s the name of one of the Nazi death camps during WWII.).
DrBlankslate Report
Per freakonomics there was a family in which the dad named kid number 7 “winner”. Kid number 8 was named “loser”. Loser is a successful lawyer as of my last read, pronounces it lou-sier.
BlackWindBears , Hannah Nelson Report
A girl in juvie court - I’m guessing at the spelling, so I’m writing it as it was pronounced- Loukeemia. I kid you not. I nearly died.
Readsumthing , RDNE Stock project Report
Ta’Lighta. Her last name was Kandle. I don’t know what her mother was thinking.
zoeheriot , Vlada Karpovich Report
I knew a family that named their daughters Today, Tomara, and Ta’yestaday. Wish I was kidding.
Hexagonsnsuch , Xeniya Kovaleva Report
My best friend grew up with a guy whose legal name was actually “Lunchbox.” LUNCHBOX!!!! And his younger brother’s name was “Thermos”.
moonandbaek Report
I did security clearance back ground checks in the Army and ran across a soldier who’s name was Captain Richard Gaylord. He went by Dk or Cap, but preferred Dk. ** I am editing to make it clear that his parents named him Captain Richard. He was a Sgt in the army.
bensonprp Report
My mom worked in a nicu. Someone named their daughter Chlamydia… because it’s sounds pretty… the social worker talked them into changing it thankfully There was also: Jellyanus (pronounced helli-ah-nas), More Money, Super Royal, Love Godess, Pajama (paj-ahma), Gary’en and Gary’on, Shaniya & Shanijah, Rowdy, Sir, Heavensentmyblessin’.
violetsunlight7 , Liza Summer Report
Placenta, I guess they heard it in the hospital and liked the sound.
qdude1 , Matilda Wormwood Report
I briefly worked with a lady who’s given name was Bunny. She worked for the Army Corps of Engineers and was terrifyingly stern - no smiling, no jokes, no funny business. Most inaptly named person I have ever met, unless her parents were into Watership Down or something.
WSHIII Report
LaDynasty = I remember many substitute teachers mispronouncing it Lady Nasty.
Lucky-Dentist5407 Report
<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/pexels-ozgur-camurlu-9898463-661cdc731331d__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“A child outdoors wearing a playful red “Ratman” shirt, standing on grass with greenery in the background. - 14”>
I have a neighbor called Batman. I think it’s dope but I couldn’t call my child that.
presucestii , Ozgur Camurlu Report
When I was working at a restaurant, a guy gave me a credit card to pay and I wouldn’t have believed it had I not seen it. His name: Alpha Gay.
znikki , Pavel Danilyuk Report
Pubert. That’s it. Pubert Smith.
ShartBlasta Report
I booked in a woman who’s name was Clitoris.
JuliaMowbray Report
Banjoman. He went by Bo. It was pronounced “Banjamen”. So I assumed his parents were too redneck and uneducated to know how “Benjamin” was spelled.
NickFurious82 , Carlos Santiago Report
This isn’t the worst name, it’s actually very common. But I went to high school with a girl named Casey Diaz. I didn’t make the connection until my friend just chuckled and said, ‘quesadillas, hahaha’.
Vegetable_Burrito Report
I had a colleague whose brother named their baby son Dude. She was distraught and pretty disgusted 😬.
creamandblack , William Fortunato Report
My son played soccer with a kid named Anaconda. We had a customer at work who was a male named Sarah, and another customer (whose family was not American) named Mahboob.
AliQuots Report
Heard about an airline being sued because the attendants were making fun of a child passenger’s name which is, I s**t you not, Abcde. Like of course your child is going to be bullied for a fuck*ss name like that.
IdentifiesAsUrMom , Monstera Production Report
I once met a kid named “WiFi.” Yep, you heard that right. I guess their parents wanted them to be constantly connected…to their name!
ItchyWay207 , Misha Feshchak Report
I worked with someone who met a kid named Meconium (yes, as in baby’s first poop).
autumn-ember-7 , Carlos Santiago Report
My dad’s assistant named her daughter Slanina which essentially means “pig fat” in Romanian. She even pronounced it the same way as the word is pronounced in Romanian: sluh-ni-nuh.
fulthrottlejazzhands , Ketut Subiyanto Report
When I was a teenager I worked with a guy named Jack Hoff. As a teacher I had students in the same class named Rusty Buzzoff and Carmen Butts. I also had a student who’s 15 year old sister had a baby girl and named her Pebbles Champagne.
Laughacy Report
Arsonlove They called them Arson for short.
awesome_possum76 , Skitterphoto Report
I don’t work in the porn/stripper industry but I’ve had a customer named Misty Butts and another named Krystal Power.
Luder09 Report
I once met a kid named “Cyanide.” I guess their parents were aiming for something unique, but they probably didn’t realize it’s also a deadly poison. Talk about starting life with a bang!
Beginning_Poet_1954 Report
Delicious…. and it was a guy… you will find many funny ’english’ names in our part of the world… many many.
VarkYuPayMe , Ekaterina Belinskaya Report
I went to school with a girl named Princess. She was exactly what you’d expect from someone with that name.
OldOperaHouseMan , Tuhin Adhikary Report
I went to school with a Richard Lycker. The jokes were endless.
Zealousideal-Law6075 Report
I knew a boy called Rambo he was 8 when the first movie came out. They changed his name within 6 months.
Soopercow Report
V*gina. Pronounced VAJ-ah-na. The mother saw the word in print and thought it was nice.
markydsade Report
My mom knew a Harry Pitts in high school. I also work at a college and saw a student with the first name “Violence.”.
kargyres , mohammad hosein MOSAYEBI Report
Colon. Not Collin. It may not be weird name to some people, but all I can think of is the large intestine when I hear that name.
Capable-Ground8272 , Kindel Media Report
Girl I know from college named her kid “Moatley” because she likes the idea of castle moats and the protection they provide. She’s now pregnant again, can’t wait to see what awful name the next kid is saddled with.
expertlyblended Report
I did a form in work today. The person’s first name was Amazing-Grace.
T_raltixx , cottonbro studio Report
Dog-Addiction1105 Report
I once knew a kid named “Fiasco.” Yep, sounds like setting high expectations right from birth!
Character-Ad3534 , MART PRODUCTION Report
This girl I knew, her legal name was Female. Her mother couldn’t pick a name and it was left as female. Once it was too late to change, it was all hell. Everyone called her Jackie cause that’s what she wanted but legally, her name is Female. We would always fun of her and pronounce it like the word Tamale. fem-all-ee. She hated it😭.
Bobafetished , RDNE Stock project Report
There was a girl from my brothers school called Closure.
Artistic_Data9398 Report
I had a kid in one of my classes named Forth. I don’t get it.
darkmasterdrake Report
Truly Scrumptious. Yes, like in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
zucchiniqueen1 Report
A girl at my elementary school was named Delight Sprinkle (Sprinkle was the last name).
CatherineConstance Report
Spider. Also Taylour (pronounced Tay-LORE).
Elizabeth__Sparrow Report
Worked at a school for a year and met a 7-year-old old whose first name was Alpacino. .
ThatsWhat_G_Said Report
I have a 4th great-grandfather whose first name was Pringle… he was born in the 18th century, so I guess it’s not too uncommon for that time, but damn 😆.
Agent-Responsible Report
Harlot.
EmpireStateOfBeing Report
Platano..if you’re Spanish/Carribean you’ll especially understand why naming your child that is setting them up to fail..
WhiteDressButt Report
Girl I new once upon a time who’s first name was Candy. Last name was Bar (with two r’s).
salacious_pickle Report
My cousin named his son William Robert - so Billy Bob. I also knew of twins growing up named Major and Royal, not the worst ever I guess but their last name is Payne.
SaffraFenfeld Report
I know a girl that named her baby Lucifer 🥴🥴.
likethedishes Report
Met a kid named Jayarr. I asked if it meant something. Nope. One parent wanted a kid with initials, the other wanted a kid with a “real” name so they compromised. Worst compromise ever.
IdoScienceSometimes Report
I used to be a teacher; one of my students was named Alecsys (pronounced Alexis). She hated her name, so she went by Lex.
IRLthereisnoalgebra Report
Philistine. Assuming that the parents were religious, the philistines were villains in the bible. wtf.
bleeding_electricity Report
In kindergarten, a classmate was named Jackov. He was quickly given a nickname of Jake.
Kooky-Water3679 , RDNE Stock project Report
Stihl …Yes like the chain saw.
seriously_justno Report
My cousin’s last name begins with ‘K’. He named his daughter “Kitty Kay”. Envision her initials. Also, envision her as a *grandmother with a name like “Kitty”.
sowhat4 Report
I went to school with a Bacardi and her sister was called breezer 🙃.
Flimsy_Charity_2977 Report
My coworker dated a gal from the Bronx named “Bermuda Schwartz”.
FeetBehindHead69 Report
Knowledge Zion They called him KZ. I say it was a lost opportunity to call him Know for short.
dwimhi Report
My BIL swears he went to school with Justin, the son of Mr & Mrs Case.
ElectricalPick9813 Report
Toss up between Khaleesi and Scotlan. Not Scotland, just Scotlan.
UnicornVoodooDoll Report
Two siblings named Indica and Sativa. Very clever indeed.
babsrambler Report
Riot….that should look good on the CV….
Oceanliving32 Report
Purity lol.
dymondezra Report
In high school, I was friends with this nice kid in my English class. His name was Aryan. And he was black.
former-somebody Report
An Arabic name is called “della,دلّة” which means a coffee maker in Saudi arabic. Also, an Arabic name is called “azab,عذاب” which basically means -torture-.
Wonderful_Nobody_949 Report
Baron.
Foreign-Aioli-7466 Report
I know of 2 different couples, who don’t know each other at all, who both have named a child Sunshine in the past few years. First it was a daughter, and next it was a son. Sunshine…. both also go by ‘Sunny’.
Nail_Biterr Report
Sympathy.
jayellkay84 Report
I always liked Jason Lee but, Pilot Inspector, is an objectively horrid name for a kid, a pet, fk i wouldnt name one of my fish that. Like he will never even be in movies unless he changes it. Such a fg douchbag move for douchebag dad. For relevance, I have two first names and two last names….that alone caused enough grief for me. I cannot even imagine for him. Also every fg human will know who you are just by the name like who would do that to a f*g baby. Narcissistic as fk.
TrickyShare242 Report
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