You must be thinking, “Why does Bored Panda have a list of Terrible Puns ?” and “If these puns are funny , why would they be termed terrible?” Hear us out before you jump to any conclusions!
You’re surely acquainted with the expression, “So bad, it’s good.” It’s a way of saying something is so remarkably bad that you find yourself speechless and hypnotized by its lame energy. So, what does this have to do with puns ?
The best puns are terrible. Not just bad. Terrible. Some people think puns are the lowest form of humor, but they’re wrong. Puns are the funniest thing ever invented by a man (or woman). They’re the definition of “ so bad that they’re good .”
Today, we gave it our worst, though. The terrible puns in this list are of the poorest type, like the most stupid dad jokes you could think of. And yet, they have so much cringeworthy energy and enthusiasm behind them that you can’t help but be drawn in and enjoy their absurdity, even if you’re aware you’re not supposed to find them funny if you have any sanity left!
Beware: If you’re gonna laugh because of them, it means your humor is utterly broken. And that’s totally ok; you’re still cool to us. So sit back and laugh out loud at this selection of terrible jokes that are funny, cringy, lame, and yet enjoyable!
Collection of Really, Like Really Bad Puns
Bad puns , jokes, and memes must definitely be your cup of tea if you scrolled down here! Well then, we no longer want to keep your broken sense of humor waiting! Let’s begin, shall we?
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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My dog can do magic tricks. It’s a labracadabrador.
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I lost my job at the bank on the very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
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Did you hear about the guy who had his left leg and his left arm amputated in a car accident? He’s all right now.
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What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two.
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I bought a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle, but it steel wooden lead me whistle.
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Why did the spider log on to the computer? To check his web site.
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I had to clean out my spice rack and noticed that everything was too old and had to be thrown out. What a waste of thyme.
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I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii.
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Why did the police go to the daycare center? A three-year-old was resisting a rest.
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I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there. He said it was Narnia business.
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What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
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What’s Harry Potter’s favourite way to get down a hill? Walking… JK, Rolling.
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I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
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I was struggling to figure out how lightning works. Then it struck me.
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What did the left eye say to the right eye? “Between us, something smells.”
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Where do milkshakes come from? Nervous cows.
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What do you get if you cross a snake with a pie? A pie-thon.
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What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie talkie.
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I had a crazy dream last night. I dreamt I was swimming in a sea of orange soda. Turns out it was just a fanta-sea.
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I told my friend I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta.
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A Mexican magician told his audience he would disappear on the count of three. He wrapped his cape around himself and began to count. “Uno… Dos…” and then POOF, he disappeared without a Tres.
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Why should you never break up with a goalie? Because he’s a keeper.
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What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
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I saw an ad that said “television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full” and I thought to myself, I can’t turn that down.
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What did the pony say when he had a sore throat? “Do you have any water? I’m a little horse.”
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“Do you want to taco ‘bout it?” “It’s nacho problem.”
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What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? “Where is pop corn?”
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I wanted to take a picture of the fog this morning but I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow.
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“Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible.” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
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What kind of songs do the planets sing? Nep-tunes.
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Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
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What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
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What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey.
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I used to be a tap dancer, until I fell in the sink.
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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey.
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How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed.
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What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.
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What do you get when two dinosaur crash their cars? A T-wrecks.
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What do you call cheese which isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
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“Why don’t I get my friends ‘Harry Potter’ jokes?” “Because there is something Ron with you.”
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My friend made a joke about the TV controller. It wasn’t remotely funny.
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Bobby broke his finger today, but on the other hand he was completely fine.
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Once, there was a lumberjack who wandered into a magical forest. As he swung his axe at a tree, the tree said “don’t cut me down, I’m a talking tree!” The lumberjack replied, “and you will dialogue.”
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Which day of the week is a chicken’s least favourite? Fry-day.
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Why did the cat go to medical school? To become a first aid kit.
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What do you call a sad cheese? A blue cheese.
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What did the waiter say when he dropped a hotdog? It could have been wurst.
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Why couldn’t the bicycle stand on its own? It was too tired.
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What’s an astronaut’s favourite part of a computer? The space bar.
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How does a scientist freshen her breath? With experi-mints.
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How do you throw a party in space? You planet.
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How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
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Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
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Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school? Because her students were so bright.
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What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?
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Learning to sleep upside down is hard for bats, but eventually they get the hang of it.
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What does the baker always say to his customers? Do you oven come here?
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I heard it was good but it had no atmosphere.
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Did you hear the rumour about the butter? Never mind, it wouldn’t spread.
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I wanted to learn to dance so I started with salsa. I wanted something I could dip in to.
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I’ve just been fired from a clock factory, even after all those extra hours I put in.
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What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
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What do elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
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I have a speed bump phobia, but I’m slowly getting over it.
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What did Mars say to Saturn? “Give me a ring sometime.”
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“Doctor, doctor, help! I think I’m shrinking!” “Take this and you’ll be back to normal in a few weeks. Until then, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”
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Thanks for explaining the word many to me, it means a lot.
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Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies.
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What has fangs and webbed feet? Count Duckula.
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What was the goal of the detective duck? To quack the case of course.
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Why are all dogs bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
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What happens when it’s raining cats and dogs? I don’t know but you can step in a poodle.
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Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
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What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? Ruff!
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A cheese sandwich walks into a bar. The waiter says, “we don’t serve food here.”
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What did the clock do when he was hungry? He went back four seconds.
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What type of candy is never on time? Choco-late.
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What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? Hey, close the door, I’m dressing!
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Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
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Did you hear about the antiques collector who found an old Coca Cola lamp? She was soda lighted.
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What do you call a fake noodle? An im-pasta.
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Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed.
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How much room should you give fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible.
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I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier. I’m sure it’ll come back to me.
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What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick.
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I used to wonder why frisbees looked bigger the closer they got. Then it hit me.
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Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.
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Why don’t you interrupt someone working on a puzzle? You’ll hear some crosswords.
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Why are basketball players such messy eaters? Because they’re always dribbling.
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What did the nose say to the finger? Quit picking on me.
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How much does it cost a pirate to gets his ears pierced? About a buck an ear.
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Don’t drink with ghosts, they can’t handle their boos.
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Pencils could be made with erasers at each end, but what would be the point?
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How can you tell if a vampire has a cold? He starts coffin.
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I’m working on a device that reads minds. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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How can you tell if the ocean is friendly? It waves.
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What do you get if you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
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A man sued an airline company after it lost his luggage. Unfortunately he lost his case.
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What did the judge say when the skunk came into the courtroom? “Odor in the court.”
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How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
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What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
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Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because it’s pee is silent.
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Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
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What’s a cats favourite colour? Purrr-ple.
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What do you say to a Llama that loves picnicking? Alpaca lunch.
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What animal is at a baseball game? A bat.
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How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
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What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
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A friend of mine annoyed me with bird puns. But toucan play that game.
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What did the dalmatian say after lunch? That hit the spot.
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Why did the cookie go to hospital? Because he felt crummy.
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What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.
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How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.
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Why was the baby strawberry crying? Because its parents were in a jam.
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What did the pizza say to the beautiful topping? I never SAUsage a beautiful face.
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How do you make a good egg roll? You push it down a hill.
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What is every soccer players favourite drink? Penal-tea.
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Why didn’t the orange win the race? He ran out of juice.
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What does a pizza say when it introduces itself to you? Slice to meet you.
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How do you say goodbye to a hotdog? Bun voyage.
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What do cakes and a baseball have in common? They both need a batter.
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What did the librarian say when the books were a mess? We ought to be ashamed of ourshelves.
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Which building in New York has the most stories? The public library.
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Why are robots never afraid? They have nerves of steel.
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What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious.
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How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying? You rocket.
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If you ever feel cold just stand in a corner. They’re usually around 90 degrees.
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When is the moon at its heaviest? When it’s full.
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What do you call an attractive volcano? Lava-ble.
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What did the ghost teacher say to his class? “Look at the board and I will go through it again.”
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Why was the cow afraid? He was a cow-herd.
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Why didn’t the crab donate to charity? He’s shellfish.
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Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
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If your dog was craving pizza what kind of pizza would he want? Puperoni.
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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish? Swimming trunks.
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I once met a pig that did karate. We called him Pork Chop.
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What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out.
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What time does a duck wake up? At the quack of dawn.
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Why did the poor dog chase his own tail? He was trying to make both ends meet.
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Why did the giraffe get bad grades? Because he had his head in the clouds.
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What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer.
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What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.
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What do you get if you cross fireworks with a duck? A firequacker.
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Which dinosaur has the best vocabulary? The thesaurus.
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What noise do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier? Cowboom.
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What is a computer’s favorite snack? Computer chips.
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What did the hamburger name its baby? Patty.
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What is fast, loud and crunchy? A rocket chip.
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Why did the butcher do overtime last week? To make ends meat.
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Why was the cookie sad? Because his mum was a wafer so long.
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Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
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Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
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I went to a restaurant last night and had the Wookie steak. It was a little chewy.
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How do pickles enjoy a day out? They relish it.
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What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeno your business.
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What do you call an upset brownie? A frownie.
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What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad? The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.
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Two pickles fell out of the jar onto the floor. What did one pickle say to the other? Dill with it.
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What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
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I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
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Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, “what kind of music do you like?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
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What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque.
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Do you want to know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless, but I guess that’s how they roll.
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What do you get when you give a plant kisses? Two lips.
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Learning to collect trash wasn’t that hard. I just picked it up as I went along.
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What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claus-trophobic.
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I just bought a thesaurus from the book store, but when I got home all the pages were blank. There are no words to describe how angry I am.
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What did one toilet say to the other? “You look flushed.”
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Today my son walked over and said “could I have a book mark”? I burst into tears. 11-years-old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
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What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves.
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Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
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What did the elephant say when he stopped in the middle of telling a story? Never mind, I realize this is irrelephant.
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A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “wow I’ve never served a weasel before, what can I get you?” “Pop”, goes the weasel.
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“I’m no cheetah.” “You’re lion!”
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A wife says to her husband that a moose is falling from the sky. The husband looks and says, it’s just reindeer.
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What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts.
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Who stole the soap out of the bathtub? The robber ducky.
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What was the reporter doing in the ice cream shop? Getting the scoop.
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Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn have ears.
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Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents.
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Why did the kid cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
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How does a vampire start a letter? “Tomb it may concern…”
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What did the big flower say to the little flower? “Hi bud.”
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Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
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What do you a call a knight who afraid to fight? Sir Render.
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Why did Johnny throw his clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly.
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What do you call a ghost’s true love? His ghoul-friend.
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Why couldn’t the astronaut book a hotel room on the moon? Because it was full.
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What do you call Dracula with hayfever? The pollen count.
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What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make? A dino-snore.
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Why can’t you play hockey with a pig? They always hog the pucks.
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Why did the book join the police? He wanted to go undercover.
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Have an egg-cellent day. I hope it’s eggs-tra good.
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Olympian Makes Stunning Admission After Judge’s Conspicuous Scores Ignite Cheating Accusations
