In one of the old science fiction stories by Herbert George Wells, there is a gentleman obsessed with the idea of “losing weight” - and one day he really finds an ancient remedy, after taking which he literally becomes weightless and is forced to wear metal weights in his clothes and underwear for the rest of his days. It’s just that any obsession with your illnesses should have reasonable limits.
However, medicine does know many examples where people went to doctors, absolutely sure that they had some serious diseases, and no diagnoses, tests or explanations could actually affect them. So this collection by Bored Panda is dedicated to just such cases of patients totally faking their illnesses.
More info: Reddit
I’m not a doctor but a nurse. There was a geriatric patient taking advantage of the call bell, because she was an attention seeker. She always needed really basic things to get done for her because she thought the place was a hotel (it was a rehabilitation ward, and we should try to motivate patients to do as much for themselves as possible). She would ring the bell for reasons like “please lift the blanket up for me” or “please pass me my phone” or “please feed me” and claimed that her hands didn’t work. I caught her several times lifting herself off the bed with her hands, grabbing her phone when it rang, you get the gist. After days of saying no and that she needs to start doing things for her self, she grew more and more frustrated. Eventually she snapped, grabbed me by my collar, shook me agressively and yelled “what don’t you understand about the fact that my hands don’t work?!?!” I didn’t know what to tell her… I just looked at her and blinked as she slowly released her death grip off me. I guess I healed her hands. Praise the Lord. 1 up vote = one prayer for an old ladies arthritis.
Beasti-benz , Alexander Grey Report
My cousin got glasses. Her 7 year old little sister also wanted glasses because she thought it was so cool to wear them. So she started telling her teachers she couldn’t read what was on the chalkboard. And she’d squint at home, and go incredibly close to the tv to watch things because she said she couldn’t see things clearly. Her parents got worried and took her to the doctor. She read everything wrong on the vision test. Everyone seemed convinced that she needed glasses. But the doctor was a little concerned because the tests indicated she needed really thick glasses, and usually that wasn’t the case unless there was a family history of vision issues. Her parents both had 20/20 vision and her sister only had astigmatism. They all realized she was faking it. So the doctor told her parents in front of her that she’d need some pretty intense eye surgery so she’d be able to see without glasses. They even wheeled in a machine to make it convincing to say they could do the surgery right then and there. She freaked out, confessed to faking it all and started to cry. She got grounded for a while.
sensitiveinfomax , drobotdean Report
30y/o woman came to the ED with such “excruciating belly pain”, “paralyzed”, “oh god it hurts when you press there”, “MUST HAVE OXYCODONE NOW”. ED doc said if she can get out of the ED bed and do 20 jumping jacks, we can give her the Oxy. She did 20 jumping jacks, then got kicked out of the ED.
confusedbarney , gpointstudio Report
My mom’s an ER nurse and she said once some crazy lady came in and complained hat she had the whooping cough. And whenever she coughed she followed it with a loud “woooOOOP!”.
mnfundude70 , Getty Images Report
I’m an ICU and ER nurse. We get a lot of malingering in the ER. One day, one of our frequent fliers came in and started faking a seizure in triage. Now obviously I know this lady and she’s fake-seized a million times before. But this time it’s in the lobby in front of about 30 people, who have no way of knowing that it’s fake. She’s lolling around on the floor making a d**n fool of herself and folks look horrified. I walked up to her and said calmly: “Karen. What are you doing?” To which this genius responds, “I’M SEIZING!” I told her to stop seizing. So she did. Edit: no, her name wasn’t actually Karen. I just did that for confidentiality.
CursesandMutterings , freepik Report
sexyfoxx85 , Getty Images Report
Not a doctor but a nurse Once had a patient having a “seizure”. The other ER nurse and I knew she was faking it. He said as much. She suddenly “stopped” seizing (miraculously), looked straight at him and yelled “shut up fat boy”. He and I laughed so hard. He (the other nurse) was referred to as such (fat boy) for few months after that. At least she wasn’t having a seizure ;) Edit: spelling & clarification.
bionicfeetgrl , freepik Report
My brother was an EMT for two years and he told me this: People will try to use the ambulance as a means for transportation from Fulton to Oswego (because the hospital is in Oswego), by faking seizures. Sometimes when the head EMT guy was feeling fun and knew that the person was faking, he’d say something like “man it’s weird that he’s having seizures but not peeing himself”. Apparently the person would kind of snap out of it for a second, weigh up the repercussions, then either pee themselves or stop faking. I thought that was hilarious.
-Stammers- , Curated Lifestyle Report
Had a patient when I was an intern feigning blindness. She would constantly be playing on her smartphone, only furiously trying to hide it when someone from the care team came into her room. The best was when my attending one day strolled pst her room and threw his hand up in a highly exaggerated ‘hello’ wave. She started to throw her arm up to but caught herself half way through, then threw her hand back into her lap and pretended to be ‘staring’ off into nothing.
SinisterlyDexterous , Getty Images Report
I’m a nurse on a floor that deals with a lot of chronic and acute pain patients. Most recent instance was this lady from a few weeks ago that was apparently splitting the Oxycodone we were giving her in half in her mouth and then when the nurse’s backs were turned, she would stuff it in a pill jar. A night nurse caught her in the act and all of her st had to be searched. We found 20 half tablets of Oxycodone she had been stashing. She told us that she was “saving them for her family in case they need them because it’s just so hard to get an Oxycodone prescription these days.” I had her a few days after that, and she was having some abdominal pain (STAT x-ray showed only gas. She just really needed to fart.) But she was screaming, claiming it was a 10, and making a huge f***g scene. She DEMANDED Dilaudid through her IV, and she wanted it to be pushed fast. Huge red flag right there. She wanted the high, not the relief. Doc straight up said he wouldn’t give her Dilaudid because she was already on so many opiates. She then demanded Lorazepam, still through her IV of course. Doc was like fine whatever, just one time and only a low end dose. I was flushing her IV with normal saline first (to make sure her IV was patent) and she leans back and is like “OOOOoooo that’s so much better already”. Hadn’t even given her the Lorazepam yet, smdh.
strawberrytaint , Andrea Piacquadio Report
Years ago I had a patient who had been rear-ended in an auto accident a few weeks before I saw her. She had a history of lupus. She was decked out in the usual “I’m crippled” paraphernalia (crutches, neck brace, elbow braces, wrist braces, knee braces) and could barely walk. I saw her a couple of times and she showed no improvement. One Saturday I was on call but had to take a ‘back streets’ route to the hospital because of an ’event’ taking place on the main thoroughfare. I apparently drove through her neighborhood, because, wonders behold, there she was wearing old-lady spandex power walking down the sidewalk (holding weights in both hands). I did not call out to her. Next week, she was back in clinic, with her “I’m crippled” getup on again. Hmmm. A few weeks later I got the subpoena for the deposition, and it all became clear.
konqueror321 , freepik Report
ER nurse. Bringing a patient back to a room who said he had kidney stones. I had him stop at the bathroom and get a urine sample. Dude comes out with with the specimen cup that literally has a piece of concrete in it. Looked him in the eye expecting some sort of joke. He. Was. Serious. I threw it away and walked his d*****s back to the waiting room to contemplate his stupidity.
_Stamos , Curated Lifestyle Report
Obligatory not a doctor, but I got a call from my son’s school nurse when he was in 2nd grade, and the conversation went like this: Nurse sounding upbeat & cheerful says, “your son wants to tell you his terrible news.” Son gets on the phone, says “Hi mom, I cut my finger off.” I ask him, “Where is your finger now?” Son: “I put it back on.” I said, “Can I talk to the nurse?” Nurse gets on the phone again, says, “Sounds serious, right?” I asked, “does he have a substitute teacher today?” Ahhhhh… yes. I told the nurse to let him know I will take him to the hospital for a shot for his finger, to which he says “I think it’s OK. I glued it on really good.” Nurse kept him in the office for a bit to talk about scary changes in the classroom.
cat9tail , evelynsmj90 Report
Not a doctor but a therapist. For some reason adolescents like faking DID (formerly multiple personality disorder). It’s a pretty rare and debated diagnosis in our field. I’ve seen people fake it by mimicking how it’s portrayed in movies and on tv. Red flags are them telling you, “I have multiple personality disorder” and, of course, not meeting the actual diagnostic criteria. Some people feel like the common diagnoses aren’t big or special enough to accurately represent their struggles, so they cosplay something worse. Whatever you’re working through is a big deal to us! If you feel like you have to fake or exaggerate your symptoms for your therapist, consider finding a different therapist. Editing to clarify my last sentence since I’m getting some aggressive replies: If you don’t feel like you can be authentic with your therapist, continue searching until you find a therapist you feel comfortable with. Sometimes it’s just not a good fit. It happens. You’re not obligated to continue seeing a therapist you don’t feel comfortable with. If you feel like you need to fake or exaggerate something to be taken seriously by a therapist, it’s not a good fit. Continue searching until you find someone who takes you seriously. Also, I’m not a solid resource for DID information. It’s not a common diagnosis and my experience with it has been extremely limited. Stick to peer-reviewed information and experts in the field for the most accurate and up to date information.
JessicaMessica , Alex Green Report
I don’t know why anyone would want to fake anything medical. Unconsciousness in particular. I got a compound fracture recently and called 911 on myself and was put on hold. Fun stuff. But got through and asked them to send help. Operator was a badass and kept asking me questions to keep me conscious. The ambulance folks arrive, casually got out of the ambulance, walk up to me and then saw the bone sticking out of my body, and said, quote, “Oh! You’re actually hurt!” YES! Did you think I called 911 because I spilled some lemonade?? Then it occurred to me that most of their calls must be horseshit. But to cause me even more confusion, I received close to a $2000 bill for the privilege of actual help and the ride to the hospital. That ludicrous bill is no fault of the EMS - I’m very much appreciative of their existence and they don’t get nearly enough credit - but the best part of receiving that bill? The ambulance ride was roughly $1850. The fentanyl they gave me was $2.15.
KedaZ1 , RDNE Stock project Report
I went to emergency once with intense chest pain. The young (new) doctor I saw first listen to my chest and immediately concluded I had pericarditis but the supervising doctor decided I was faking it for d*s for some reason. The next morning I woke up to a psychologist in my room asking all sorts of random st when an orderly interrupted because the ultrasound guy was in and wanted to see me first thing (I think after talking to the first doc I saw). Turns out I had pericarditis and myocarditis and the dude wheeled me out himself and told them order an ambulance to take me to a hospital with a cardiac clinic.
freeLightbulbs , Drazen Zigic Report
Opthalmology technician. People pretend to be blind all the time. Go to check their eye pressure with the tonopen (a device you poke them DIRECTLY into the eye with) and they go WHAT THE F**K IS THAT THING!?!?!?!?!
jmikk85 , stefamerpik Report
My mom was an emergency room nurse. Years ago they brought a prisoner from the local pen in who seemed to be unconscious. The guards were suspicious that he was faking it. They checked his vitals and everything seemed to be ok. The attending doctor tried poking him in the foot with something pointy, nothing. Then he got an idea, they took a rubber hose and inserted it in the back of his throat as if they were intubating him. That did the trick he sat up very quickly coughing and gagging. Edit: Yes, sternum rub, got it.
tomcod , Tim Cooper Report
4th year medical student On my ER rotation and a trauma came in from a women that the had been arrested. During the drive the patient “banged” her head 4 times against the window of the police car and then went unresponsive. She came to us with a bruise over her forehead and unresponsive. We all smelled bs but the patient was a great actor, didn’t even flinch during the digital rectal exam (which is standard for all patients that come in through the trauma bay). Though some of the nurses said that they caught her “peeking” at us when would leave the room. We ended up getting a CT scan (which was normal) and was even considering intubating her to secure her airway when our attending finally walked over to her, opened her eye lids and held them open while telling her to wake up. Finally she started fighting to close her eyes and the jig was up. The doctor called her out and she proceeded to start screaming at us. She was much more pleasant when she was pretending to have a brain injury.
footsiefried , Accuray Report
It’s kinda the opposite way round, but when I was little, on Christmas Day, I was sitting at the table and my stomach starting to hurt. A lot. I was a good kid and never misbehaved but for some reason my mum thought I was exaggerating or faking so she told me to stop being silly and eat up. I couldn’t eat, I felt horrible and was in a lot of pain. My mum just would not believe me and thought I was trying to get attention. About 5 more minutes of me crying and she realised something was wrong so called the doctor and put me on the sofa. So, that was the Christmas I missed because my appendix had burst. I spent a couple of months in hospital due to complications with the surgery and missed both Christmas and my birthday. Apparently they had caught it just in time as it could very well had been fatal. My family still donates what they can to the children’s wing of that hospital as that was the first of 3 times they saved my life. Sorry it didn’t quite fit the topic, but reading some of these posts reminded me and thought I’d share. :)
PastelCurlies , Sora Shimazaki Report
Broke my leg five years ago. But the paramedics didn’t believe me and told me to stand up. They were very rude. I think they didn’t believe me because I only had a tiny fall, had had a bit of alcohol and it was a Saturday night. Also I was calm and not crying or showing pain (wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be) After I was helped onto the stretcher(not by them) my leg bent in a way it shouldn’t, and they put a splint on and gave me gas and air. Couldn’t believe how rude they were. Later found out I have osteoporosis and that’s why it broke so easy.
Ebonyrose2828 , Oliver King Report
Sorta along the same idea. Working at a pharmacy we saw a guy come in to try and get a refill on some pain meds that had no refill. After pleading that his ear really hurt we told him again we couldn’t refill it. One of the other employees saw his step into a side hallway and take a pencil and JAM it forcefully into his ear repeatedly, drawing blood. He calmly left and went to the ER. He came back a few hours later with a prescription for pain meds.
i_am_thewalrus , Thought Catalog Report
Not a doctor but a paramedic. Tons of calls to the jail for inmates with “seizures”, I lift the arm over their face and let it go they’ll move it to prevent hitting their face or I’ll lightly brush their eyelashes and they’ll twitch to it.
m240totheface , Gary Meulemans Report
If someone is unconscious, make a fist and rub your knuckles against their sternum (chest bone). Put some pressure behind it and rub quickly up and down (up towards chin, down towards belly button). It’s called a sternal rub and is incredibly painful, but won’t harm the person. It very, very hard to completely ignore and continue with the ruse of faking being unconscious. The only more sure thing is asking your partner to hand you the eye needle to take some ocular fluid while they’re passed out so they won’t feel the pain of the needle in their eye. * ETA - There’s no ocular needle, at least not on an ambulance. We say that because not everyone knows that and they don’t want to risk it. * ETA 2 - RIP my inbox. Apparently the sternal rub isn’t common practice anymore because people literally went too hard. Sorry! Also I feel old af now. * ETA 3 - ETA is used on reddit to mean “Edited to add”. Yes, I know it usually means “Estimated time of arrival”.
Tank_Girl_Gritty_235 , benzoix Report
Whenever the symptoms aren’t there when the patient doesn’t know they’re being watched. I had someone fake a stroke recently and walked in on her walking around her room independently (after pretending to be limp on her left side, letting us take complete care of her and wiping her butt for her). It was wild, y’all.
GengarIsSex , engin akyurt Report
Rosemarri , user2545109 Report
Not a doctor, but I once had a nurse tell me something that’s stuck with me ever since. I had a gallbladder attack when I was younger, and lemme tell you, that’s some of the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I was doubled over, vomiting bile, and unable to move. My mom took me to the ER at 1 am in the middle of a snowstorm. As the nurse was doing my initial evaluation, she asked me the standard “on a scale of 1-10” pain question. I thought for a couple seconds, and told her “7 or 8. It hurts really, really bad”. She nodded knowingly, and told me “Got it, it hurts really bad. Most people who tell me 10 are lying. No one ever feels a 10”. In hindsight, I’m not sure that’s the best practice for a nurse. Still, after seeing d**g seeking patients myself, I understand her frustration. They ended up giving me morphine, which brought that number down quite a bit. EDIT: I want to clarify my (or rather the nurse’s) comment. People can definitely feel a “10” on the pain scale, and I don’t want to invalidate your experience if you’ve felt that. I think the point is that if you do feel a “10”, the medical providers will probably know without having to ask. Conversely, if an otherwise lucid and calm patient replies with “10”, they might not be telling the truth.
cynical_enchilada , Pavel Danilyuk Report
We have a guy that comes into the ER all the time faking seizures. Best actor I’ve ever seen. Sternal rub and he doesn’t flinch. Last time it was so bad he got intubated and right as they pushed the meds he stopped and said “ahhh that’s the good stuff”. Welp now we gotta tube you dude. Problem is he’s a drunk who falls a lot so he could in theory really be seizing. Biggest rule of medicine is even fakers get sick sometimes.
cbelle4 , cottonbro studio Report
I saw a father and his son wink when I was turning to face them again when I was done writing a note to stay home from school. That’s pretty much it, “faking it” is a hard call to make in general.
anon , Ben Iwara Report
“If someone is truly unconscious, their thumb always wiggle” Just say that out loud to yourself.
f__h , Ketut Subiyanto Report
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