Unless you’re extremely lucky, having a roommate isn’t always a walk in the park. Some squabbles just can’t be avoided—they’re a normal part of adjusting to living with a person whose personality, lifestyle , and background are different from yours. But no matter how big or small the disagreement is, the peace can likely be restored with some good communication, compromise, and understanding.
This guy recently shared how he got into an awkward situation with his housemate because he complained about his girlfriend showering in the morning. As a result, the partner stopped visiting their home after her night shifts, which left the original poster of the story upset and confused about what to do next.
Some squabbles among roommates are expected as they adjust to each other’s differences
Woman with wet hair standing under a shower, appearing peaceful and relaxed in a steamy bathroom setting.
This guy got into an awkward situation with his housemate because his girlfriend showered in the morning
Text excerpt discussing a man confused why his girlfriend not visiting him in the mornings causes drama with his mom.
Text explaining a man confused why his girlfriend no longer visits in the mornings, causing drama with his mom.
Man confused why girlfriend stopped visiting in mornings, causing tension and drama with his mom over the situation.
Man and woman sitting on stairs having a serious conversation about girlfriend not visiting causing drama with mom.
Text discussing a man’s confusion over his girlfriend not visiting in the mornings and the resulting drama with his mom.
Text explaining shared rent and morning shower routine causing confusion in a man’s relationship with his girlfriend and mom.
Text excerpt showing a man confused why his girlfriend stopped visiting in the mornings, causing drama with his mom.
Man in yellow beanie and plaid shirt sitting on couch, appearing confused and frustrated about girlfriend not visiting mornings.
Man confused why his girlfriend stopped visiting in the mornings, causing drama with his mom over the situation.
It’s important to discuss boundaries with roommates, ideally before moving in
If a person is in a relationship and has a roommate/housemate, it’s inevitable that the two are going to spend time together or at least cross paths at some point. So for everyone to be on the same page and avoid clashing, a psychologist, Dr. Paulette Sherman, recommends setting some ground rules. They should be established according to the relationship with the roommate and what they find acceptable, she says.
“They are paying half the rent, so they should have some say in how often guests can stay over,” Dr. Sherman notes. Besides, to most, their home is their sanctuary, and if they start feeling like their space and privacy are invaded, they might begin to resent their roommates and their partners for it. At first, they might be okay with the significant other spending a few nights a week, but it doesn’t mean they’ll be okay with more than that.
That’s why it’s important to discuss boundaries, ideally before moving in. However, the topic might not come up until one of the roommates gets into a relationship. And that’s also okay. What matters is that the conversation happens. Dr. Sherman advises finding time to talk when both roommates can be relaxed and ready to listen to one another.
It’s possible that the two might not agree on everything when it comes to partners visiting. In that case, Dr. Sherman recommends “[Seeing] if you can agree on something reasonable and continue to discuss how that goes for both of you over time so that no resentment builds and your relationship remains strong.” Resentment towards roommates can create a toxic living environment, so it’s best to have an honest conversation to avoid a tension-filled living situation.
Young man confused why girlfriend stopped visiting mornings, causing tension with his mom in a modern kitchen setting.
No relationship has to suffer in the arrangement that is roommates and partners
While drafting up the ground rules, Dr. Sherman also reminds housemates that it’s important to be as fair to everyone on the lease as possible. “If there was no agreement that you’d have another person there multiple times a week and they are paying half the rent, they may have a reason to feel upset,” she explained.
Even if the roommate seems okay with guests visiting, it’s still a good idea to check in with them about it. “The best way to talk with your roommate about your partner sleeping over is before it becomes a problem,” said online dating coach Andi Forness. Talk about how often the roommate is comfortable with the partner staying, as well as hanging out, sharing food, cleaning up, and doing chores.
In case the partner is spending a lot of time at their place, they should be aware of the existing rules and expectations. Perhaps one roommate has to wake up super early and needs the evening quiet so they can sleep. Being aware of that or any other rules helps to be on the same page. These ground rules are also susceptible to change, so both roommates should feel free to bring up this topic any time.
Of course, it should be done in a respectful way without impeding on anyone’s relationships . Remember—boundaries are there to make our relationships better and our communication more efficient. No relationship has to suffer in the arrangement that is roommates and partners. With a little honest communication and compromise, everyone involved can have peace of mind.
Man and woman sitting on bedroom floor, having a serious conversation about girlfriend not visiting in the mornings.
Text conversation about man confused why his girlfriend stopped morning visits causing drama with his mom over shower timing.
Man confused why his girlfriend stopped visiting in mornings, leading to unexpected drama with his mom in online conversation.
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Text conversation about confusion and drama involving a man’s girlfriend not visiting in the mornings and issues with his mom.
Reddit conversation about a man confused why his girlfriend stopped morning visits, causing drama with his mom.
Man confused why his girlfriend stopped visiting in the mornings, causing family drama with his mom on Reddit thread.
Screenshot of a Reddit conversation about a man confused why his girlfriend stopped visiting in the mornings, causing family drama.
Screenshot of a Reddit conversation about a man confused why his girlfriend stopped visiting him in the mornings causing family drama.
Alt text: Online discussion about man confused why his girlfriend stopped visiting him in the mornings causing drama with his mom.
Most readers agreed that 8:30 isn’t early to take a shower and shouldn’t even be considered a problem
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Text post discussing confusion over why girlfriend stopped morning visits, highlighting drama caused with man’s mom.
Text post discussing man confused why his girlfriend stopped visiting him in the mornings causing drama with his mom.
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Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing confusion over girlfriend not visiting in mornings causing drama with mom.
Comment explaining why man’s girlfriend stopped visiting in the mornings, causing drama with mom and renter.
Man confused why his girlfriend not visiting mornings anymore causing drama with his mom over basement tenants complaint.
Reddit user discussing drama caused by a man confused why his girlfriend stopped visiting him in the mornings.
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Reddit comment discussing confusion and drama over girlfriend not visiting in the mornings and involving his mom’s perspective.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing drama between a man, his girlfriend, and his mother over morning visits.
Man confused why his girlfriend stopped visiting mornings, causing drama with his mom in a shared living space.
Man looking confused and frustrated while talking on the phone, reflecting drama with mom over girlfriend’s visits.
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