After 19 years of marriage , one would like to believe that your spouse knows you pretty well. Especially when it comes to what makes you happy and doesn’t.
Unfortunately, it would seem that’s not always the case, as one woman has revealed. She took to the internet on her 41st birthday, complaining that her husband had ruined her big day yet again. It’s a cycle, she says, that he just can’t break. But this time, his actions really took the cake. And the birthday “surprise” he promised her has left their relationship on the rocks.
Birthdays are meant to be happy occasions, whether you’re still a child or a fully-grown adult
Woman wearing a birthday hat looks disappointed sitting alone with a cupcake candle, hinting at husband’s birthday surprise gone wrong.
But instead of making hers extra special, this woman’s husband ends up completely ruining it every year
Text on a gray background reads a wife frustrated with her husband ruining her birthday after 19 years of marriage leading to therapy.
Text excerpt discussing a husband’s behavior and marriage dynamics leading to therapy after 19 years together.
Text excerpt about a husband’s birthday surprise causing conflict and leading to therapy after 19 years of marriage.
Text excerpt describing a husband’s birthday surprise for wife that led to therapy after 19 years of marriage.
Text excerpt describing emotional distance between wife and her mother, related to husband’s birthday surprise and therapy.
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She gave quite a bit more information when prompted by netizens
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Screenshot of an online discussion about a husband’s birthday surprise for wife leading to therapy after 19 years of marriage.
Reddit conversation about a husband’s birthday surprise causing marriage issues leading to therapy after 19 years.
Screenshot of an online forum discussing a husband’s birthday surprise for wife leading to marriage therapy after 19 years.
Reddit conversation discussing emotional issues and therapy after husband’s birthday surprise in a long-term marriage.
“Some fights need to happen”: netizens advised the wife to take the bull by the horns
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Reddit comment discussing relationship issues after husband’s birthday surprise leads to therapy.
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Text post discussing a husband’s birthday surprise causing issues and leading to therapy after 19 years of marriage.
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Two women celebrating a birthday with cake and balloons, highlighting a husband’s birthday surprise leading to therapy.
Narcissists love other people’s birthdays, and not for the reason you might think
Narcissists thrive on ruining holidays and birthdays.
That’s the word from some experts, who say these are the times a narcissist gets to play their favorite game: devalue and discard. It’s open season for them to reel you in and then toss you to the curb, leaving you to wallow in self-pity on the very day you should be celebrating.
Why do they do this? “Because they have no empathy and cannot handle intimate relationships and are compelled to do what it takes to destroy them,” notes PsychCentral.
Narcissists are “hellbent on destruction, particularly relationship destruction, and even more particularly than usual, during a special day, like Christmas or your anniversary or your birthday,” say the experts.
They note that often, the partner of a narcissist will begin their birthday with high hopes—only to realize that once again, there’s a dark cloud hanging over the day. Or, yet another sinister plot to hurt them.
It might come in the form of detachment and neglect. Maybe they don’t wish you well, or they don’t buy you a gift . Perhaps they make it about themselves. Or, invite your estranged mother to ‘babysit’ you while they chill out in the hot tub.
If you’re dealing with a narcissist , it’s important to set boundaries. “Most people with personality disorders hate boundaries,” explains the site. “But, that does not mean you shouldn’t have them.”
PsychCentral notes that boundaries describe your behaviors, not the other person’s. While you can’t control what someone else says or does, you can control how you choose to respond.
“Establishing strong boundaries is necessary in order to protect yourself from personal damage,” say the experts. “An example of a boundary would be to make the decision to disengage from anyone who causes you to feel defensive.”
You should try to stop focusing on the other person’s behavior and start noticing how you’re feeling.
“I’m sure you’ll notice that you have no peace or serenity,” reads the site. “Take note of the negative feelings you are having and make a decision to change that.” Ideally, before your next birthday…
Couple in therapy session at home discussing issues after husband’s birthday surprise for wife causes tension.
The woman revealed that she’d had “the talk” with her husband
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The woman provided an update a year later, just before her 42nd birthday
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