Whether you’re a parent , an educator or a child-free adult who simply hopes future generations thrive, we can all agree that we want the best for the children. But in this complex, ever-changing world, it can sometimes be difficult to weed through mountains of contradictory information online and determine what exactly is the best way to interact with kiddos.
That’s why school principal and founder of Educational Impact Academy , Karin Jakubowski, EdD, has been making it easier for parents to better understand their children through sharing bite-sized videos online. Below, you’ll find some of the best tips Dr. Jakubowski has posted on TikTok , as well as a conversation between her and Bored Panda !
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Dr. Karin Jakubowski has been sharing all of her best parenting tips online to help moms and dads better understand their little ones@karinjakubowskiTop 5 Skills Your Kid Needs Before Kindergarten!#kindergartenready#parenting#momnificent#tipsforparents#momsoftik#parentingtips101#learnontiktok#preschool#preschooler#kindergarten♬ original sound - Momnificent ✨ Parent Tips
The top three things your child needs from you. - They need you present. - They just need you to stop and listen to them. - They need you to spend time with them.
karinjakubowski , Lgh_9 / Pexels Report
Here’s the top five things you don’t say to a kid with trauma. - Never say to a kid with trauma, “everything happens for a reason.” - Never say “it could be worse.” - Never say to a kid with trauma. “It’s hard to believe that.” - Never say, “why did you?” - Never say to a kid with trauma, “the past is in the past, just let it go.”
karinjakubowski , Jordan Whitt / Unsplash Report
How do you get your 8 to 10 year old to listen to you without yelling? Start with a positive attitude. Kids have a difficult time with self regulation. So if they see you upset, they get upset. If they see you calm, they eventually mirror and match your calmness. So be patient, take a deep breath, patient. Kids pick up on our tone in our body language, even when we’re not even saying anything. Don’t yell. Whatever you do, don’t yell. Practice that. You’re not going to get it perfect the first time. Practice, practice, practice. Don’t yell. Give them choices. Do you want to sit here or here? Do you want to go this way or that way? Do you want this color crown or this color crown? Two choices that you’re okay with. And set limits. Kids typically respond well if you give them the opportunity to do good. Instead of rushing headlong into an argument, try counting to five or give them a time limit to do something you ask. Remember that children learn. So it’s important to model good listening skills yourself.
karinjakubowski , Sai De Silva / Unsplash Report
Here’s the top 5 truths kids with ADHD want you to know. - ADHD is invisible. It’s not make believe or an excuse to be lazy. - They just can’t try harder. If they could, they would. They’re actually working harder than most children. - The effort for them to fit in is monumental. - They’re not bad kids, even though they’re not doing the expected behavior. They’re not bad. They’re actually working harder and doing their best. - Harsh discipline is actually counterproductive. It’s actually worse when you yell at your kid. It’s not getting the ADHD out of them. They don’t have ADHD as a result of bad parenting.
karinjakubowski , Paige Cody / Unsplash Report
When your kid comes home upset about something another kid said to them that day, what do you do? What’s your go to? How do you know how to help them? The first thing I do, I just did this last week with a student, totally upset, something someone said in the class. They literally felt like they couldn’t even go back to class. I had her stand and look across from her as if the person was standing there and tell that person everything they felt. What they wanted, what they didn’t like. What they wanted them to do, what they didn’t want to do. What they did that really bothered them and just ticked them off. No right or wrong answer, just giving them that opportunity. How often do you have that opportunity to do that? Rarely, and you’re rarely going to say that to the person because a lot of it is stuff you would, it’s kind of unexpected and you, you might not be the right thing to say. So as a parent, you could try this one step with your kid. One and over the other two steps.
karinjakubowski , Monstera Production / Pexels Report
What does it do for you when you spend time in nature? My mother-in-law from Poland is here for three months and we try to go for a walk every day. We don’t get out every day, but every time I do, it just totally refreshes me, refreshes me mentally, physically, emotionally. It’s amazing the power that nature has over. Take your kid out for a walk in nature. Take them to the park. Let them explore outside. Better yet, do one thing for you. What’s something you love to do for you? Do one thing to take care of yourself today. What is it that just refreshes you and refreshes you mentally and emotionally? Do that one thing. Take that one thing and do it for yourself. You’re so busy taking care of everybody else and stop, take care of you. I’m giving you permission to take care of you.
karinjakubowski , Tatiana Syrikova / Pexels Report
There should be a non negotiable in every school, in every classroom in the world. And that is, you should never talk about a student in front of another student. It’s so easy. You know, things happen. We get upset. We take these personally, the kid does something and it just, you know, pushes our last nerve and pushes our last button. I always say the wrong thing. And you know what? We got to make it a non negotiable. We are not going to talk about a kid in front of any other student, any other child. That kid, any kid, we got to take it behind closed doors. We owe that to our kids. They deserve that level of respect from us.
karinjakubowski , Tima Miroshnichenko / Pexels Report
There’s four steps to help your child when they mess up or fail. - Even when your child makes a mistake big or little, maybe on a test or an assignment or an audition, you name it, reassure them with there’s something we can learn from this. - Success is also achieved when you allow your child to stumble and by helping them take a closer look and reflect on what’s one thing they can do better next time. - Always, always, always praise your child for their effort. Say it loud and proud, praise their effort. - Share your own stories with your kid. The times you failed, the times you struggled with a colleague, with a friend, a time you held your tongue, a time you fell short, share with your child how you faced it, what you learned from it, the new perspective you gained.
karinjakubowski , August de Richelieu / Pexels Report
What’s the hardest thing about parenting for you right now? - How to parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had. - Letting your child experience the pain of natural consequences or consequences in general. - Facing shame, judgment, and blame from others. - Coping when your child says, “I hate you, mom.”
karinjakubowski , Phil Nguyen / Pexels Report
I wish I had learned this early on. Kids want power and the control. So give your kid two choices. “Do you want to sit in this side or that side?” “Do you want to use the crayon or the marker?” “Do you want to go first or second?” When you give your kid a choice, they feel large and in charge.
karinjakubowski , Katerina Holmes / Pexels Report
Here’s the top five skills your kids should know before they start kindergarten. - Teach your child to tie their shoes. - Teach them how to open a juice box. I know it sounds so simple, but it’s really important. - Use the bathroom, wash their hands and button their pants. - Have them know their letters and their sounds and know the letters of the alphabet. - And last for them to know their first and last name and their phone number and address.
karinjakubowski , Allan Mas / Pexels Report
When a kid is mean to your kid and you get upset, what do you do? How do you handle that? Here’s what I do. I sit the first kid down by themselves and I’m like, “what? Help me understand what happened.” I always use that word. “Help me understand.” “Help me understand what happened.” And then I’d mute myself. Just shut up, don’t say anything, give them an opportunity to talk and share what it was like for them, what they went through, what they experienced, what they’re feeling. And then you sit the other child down and you ask them to tell you the story of what happened. Help me understand what happened here and listen, listen, listen. Then when I bring the two together, I say to the one like, “what did they say or do and how did that make you feel?” And they explain and share. And then I asked this child, “did you know that what they said or did made you feel that way?” And they usually don’t realize how, what they did made the other kid feel that way. And then a lot of times it’s two way. So I say to the other kid, like, “what did they do that upset you? And how did that make you feel? What did they say or do? What specifically did they say or do?” To give them an opportunity to say it, to voice it, to have an opportunity to be listened and heard on both sides. And then you ask this kid, “did you know what they said or did made you feel feel that way?” And a lot of times they really don’t, like I said, we don’t often put ourselves in another person’s shoes and another person’s perspective. And this process helps. I tell them you don’t have to be best friends but this process helps them to understand each other a little better. And then I ask, “what would you like to say or do to make this right? What would you like to do to say, what would you like to do or say to make this right?” And I just encourage them to look at the person because sometimes looking at me because I’m talking to you and I’m like, don’t look at me. And sometimes I’ll just look down and I’ll just like look to the side so that they can actually communicate that to them, you know, and then the other person will accept their apology.
karinjakubowski , Mikhail Nilov / Pexels Report
The problem with our society is everything is faster, harder, stronger. When society is encouraging us to think and be faster, harder, stronger. When we slow down and allow ourselfves to recharge we refuel and are more productive. Schedule time to recharge. It can help your child refuel and tackle future activities with a more focused, calmer mindset.
karinjakubowski , Monstera Production / Pexels Report
Here’s seven tips to help your kid get organized. - Find a system that works for your kid. It might not be the same system that works for you, so stay open minded about this. - Demonstrate the importance of follow through. - Let their voice be heard. Let them have a voice. Listen, listen, listen to them. - Set achievable goals, set reasonable and achievable goals with rewards. Let them pick the reward out so they’re working towards something that they want. - Provide plenty of reinforcement. They say for every one critical thing you say, you gotta say like five more positives. - Lead by example. - Help them get organized and help them stay organized and be open minded.
karinjakubowski , Ron Lach / Pexels Report
Teens are feeling these days like people tell us not to be stressed, but no one’s teaching us how to do that. So here’s one strategy you can try and practice with your child. It’s called feather breathing. Okay, here’s what you do. Learning to breathe really slowly with kids is often hard to do. So try this. Use a feather to show them how. Place the feather on the table and explain. Take a big, deep inhale from way down deep in your tummy. Breathe from your lips. So the feather moves slowly across the table. Put the feather on the table, tell your child to take a big, deep breath and blow just slow enough to get the feather to move across the table. And then you encourage them to keep practicing and trying until they can get that feather to move smoothly and slowly and steadily across the table. You can also teach your kid to breathe with soap bubbles. You can say, “see how slowly and how far you can blow your bubble? Blow your worries far away from you.”
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Here’s the top things a kid with autism wants you to know. - Movement is focus. - Exclusion is just not nice. Try to find one simple thing that you can do to help them feel included. - Some are visual and they just think mostly in pictures. - No matter what they’re doing or what they hyper focus on, notice it, just be aware, and observe, and go with it. Don’t be afraid of it. Go with it. Don’t be nervous about it. Go with it.
karinjakubowski , Polesie Toys / Pexels Report
Here’s the number one hack to help your kids in stressful situations. The next time your child feels stressed or out of control. Try this. Tell them to notice the places where their body is making direct contact with a surface, material, or object. Have them scan their body mentally. Paying close attention where, for example, the floor supports their feet. How their toes are touching the inside of their shoes. Maybe feel the couch cushions feeling snug against their back. The feeling of their hands just resting gently on their lap or kind of just resting at their side. This shifts their focus from the negative or that anxious or upset feeling to a neutral or pleasant feeling. It’s a simple calming technique for them to try. They can practice this at their desk at school, riding or sitting on the school bus. During a test, they could try this.
karinjakubowski , Josh Applegate / Unsplash Report
How do you get your kid to be empathetic in an “all about me” world? I love the way Michelle Borba talks about empathy using the ABCs. Listen to this. A is for affective empathy. When we share another’s feelings and feel their emotions. And B is for behavioral empathy. When empathetic concerns actually rally us or put something inside of us to say, I want to help. And the C is for cognitive empathy. When we understand another’s thoughts or literally step into their shoes and feel what they feel, see what they see from their perspective. Did you know that empathy boosts trust and decreases stress? Empathy boosts connectivity, creativity, and kindness. Get this, research says empathy is actually a positive predictor of math and reading scores. And critical thinking skills. We got to work on empathy with our kids and empathy is teachable.
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Here’s five things you probably didn’t know about your five year old. - They say life is good. - During this one year, your child’s going to go from being cautious and compliant to uncertain and oppositional. - Early in the year, they like to help out and follow the rules and be good. And then either they may test or oppose the adult authority and to show uncertainty. They’re not sure whether to be good or naughty. Did you notice that about your kid? - They need consistent rules and enforcement. They respond well to clear, simple expectations. - They need empathetic discipline. They test limits and make mistakes.
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What do you do when your kid says, I don’t know. The next time your kid says, I don’t know, ask them this. “I know you don’t know, but if you did know, what would you say?” And then give them a minute, give them a second, take a deep breath. And then begin the next question with, “I know you might not know, and there’s no right or wrong answer, but if you didn’t know, what would you say?”
karinjakubowski , Jonathan Borba / Pexels Report
If you’re having difficulty making friends, try this. - Talk about taking turns and sharing. Try role playing different situations where they would have to handle a disagreement. This really helps them and teaches them in the moment how to use those skills. - Demonstrate those skills in front of your friends and family so your child can see the appropriate expected behaviors when interacting or socializing or making friends and connecting with others. They are mirrors of us. They’re watching everything we do. They watch us more than what we tell them to do. So model the behavior for them. - Arrange playdates and even take your kid to group activities so they can slowly get used to interacting and socializing with others in a smaller setting and then in a larger setting. - Talk about with your child what kind of things they want to see in a friend. What kinds of things they value in a friend towards them and how. They want to be those things towards somebody else
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Anybody else hate this when your mom said this to you as a kid, “you can’t have those sneakers you want because we can’t afford them.” Don’t say that to your kid. Money patterns are set by the age of seven. And here’s two things you have to teach your kid. Instead of saying what you can’t buy, say “this is what we’re choosing to buy and use our money for instead.” And the second thing, show your child a sale. Like, “Hey, this was a hundred dollars and now it’s on sale for 30. You can get three Tories for the price of one.” Your kid is observing your money habits. They’re always watching you.
karinjakubowski , sedrik2007 / Envato Report
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