Becoming a mom is a significant life shift. For many women, whether they want it or not, their baby becomes their whole world. In fact, 79% of new moms say that they feel “invisible” as mothers. And it doesn’t help when their partners only see them as mothers to their children, either.
This dad didn’t quite get that as he grappled with why his wife was so angry at his note . In a well-meaning goodbye letter, he addressed his 2-year-old and 4-month-old but referred to his wife as only “Mommy.” The guy looked for advice online, and people’s opinions were split. Some thought the wife was being “delusional,” while others pointed out what he was missing.
A wife got upset at her husband after reading his “sweet” goodbye note
Woman sitting on couch reading husband’s note, looking confused and upset, capturing emotional reaction in home setting.
The husband didn’t understand her reaction and asked folks online if the letter was really that bad
Husband’s note to wife before trip divides internet over caring for wife versus kids issue.
Handwritten husband’s note to wife and daughters, showing a father’s affectionate message that sparked online debate.
Screenshot of a husband’s note to wife asking if her anger seems justified, sparking debate on internet understanding.
Many mothers lose a part of their identity when they give birth
Changing identity is a part of life; hardly anyone is the same as they were when they were 15, right? However, some life changes can be more jarring than others. For women, motherhood is often the shifting point: suddenly, your whole life becomes about other people and doing the things you used to do seems like a luxury.
The act of giving birth itself can be traumatic, both physically and emotionally. In fact, according to a recent survey of 2,000 women, 59% of moms feel like they’re unofficially “recovering” even two years after having their baby.
This loss of identity is linked with postpartum depression . According to one study, new moms feeling a loss of identity corresponds with depressive symptoms. When they become mothers, many women lose their previous status in certain groups like at work, among friends, and in their social life in general.
Founder and CEO of Thrive Postpartum, and host of the Let’s Thrive Postpartum podcast, Kelly Siebold, says that a loss of identity for mothers equals a certain kind of grief. But the most important thing is that it doesn’t have to impede a woman’s ability to be a mother. “You can love your baby and still grieve parts of your past self,” Siebold writes. “These feelings can coexist.”
Still, most moms feel like being a mother defines their whole identity. In Motherly’s 2020 State of Motherhood survey, 71% of moms said they felt “most strongly defined by their motherhood.” Stay-at-home moms were even more likely (87%) to think that.
Feeling fulfilled as a parent isn’t about being with your kids all the time
<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2026/01/7-26.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Dad Is Confused By Wife’s Reaction To His “Sweet” Note, Gets A Reality Check Online - 5”>
To be fair, dads also grapple with a loss of identity. A quite recent study from Headway showed that 49% of all parents feel like they lost their identity after kids. However, women experience this on a different level because of gender roles and societal norms.
“Women are also expected to ascribe to an unrealistic societal narrative that perpetuates the idea of women carrying most of the responsibility in the home,” notes licensed marriage and family therapist Gayane Aramyan. “[That includes] parenting the children and household management tasks like cleaning, cooking, or maintenance – making the transition into motherhood ten times more difficult.”
It’s natural for parents to still want and like the things they did before having kids. Passion for travel, hobbies, or career doesn’t just fade because a baby is born. In order to preserve their sanity, both parents need some time for those things so they can feel like themselves again. Licensed psychologist Stefanie Mazer, PsyD, explains that fulfillment as a parent isn’t just about being with your kids all the time.
“Social time, travel, and career freedom matter because they keep a person connected to their sense of self,” Dr. Mazer told Parents. “When those things fade, people can start to feel smaller inside, like their world has shrunk.” She recommends parents to get rid of the guilt of wanting to spend less time with kids and more doing activities that enrich them in other ways. That doesn’t mean a parent loves their kids any less.
Some commenters thought it was cute and didn’t understand why the wife was making such a big deal out of it
Screenshot of an internet comment discussing a husband’s note to wife, highlighting confusion about why she is upset.
Comment expressing confusion over a husband’s note to wife, highlighting differing reactions on the internet.
Comment from internet user questioning husband’s note to wife, sparking debate about parenting and emotions.
Comment about husband’s note to wife, discussing challenges of solo parenting and suggesting sending flowers with a cheeky note.
Most people called out the dad for being so clueless: “Nothing is directed to her”
Comment discussing a husband’s note to wife, highlighting focus on children and solo parenting challenges.
Comment discussing husband’s note to wife, highlighting wife feeling unappreciated and overlooked in the message.
Comment on internet forum discussing husband’s note to wife, highlighting misunderstanding and wife’s reaction.
Reddit comment discussing a husband’s note to wife and why it divides internet over her feelings and misunderstanding.
Comment discussing a husband’s note to wife, highlighting misunderstandings and emotional exhaustion in parenting roles.
Screenshot of a husband’s note to wife sparking debate online, with user commenting on the note’s impact on their relationship.
Comment explaining a husband’s note to wife, highlighting her feelings and why she is upset, sparking internet debate.
Screenshot of an online comment discussing a husband’s note to wife and her reaction, highlighting underlying resentment.
User comment discussing a husband’s note to wife postpartum and the emotional complexities behind her reaction.
Comment expressing discomfort with husband’s note to wife, sparking debate about understanding and feelings.
Comment explaining why husband’s note to wife upset her, highlighting lack of personal address and emotional impact.
Comment discussing a husband’s note to his wife postpartum, highlighting why the wife might feel upset and unsupported.
Comment discussing a husband’s note to wife and questioning the passive aggressive tone about parental duties.
Comment discussing a husband’s note to his wife, highlighting her roles and why she might be upset.
Screenshot of an online comment discussing a husband’s note to his wife, highlighting internet reactions and confusion.
Reddit comment discussing husband’s note to wife postpartum, explaining why wife is upset and suggesting a personal letter.
User comment discussing a husband’s note to wife and her feelings about solo parenting and anxiety during his travel week.
Comment on husband’s note to wife explaining why he doesn’t understand why she’s mad, highlighting relationship dynamics.
Comment explaining why husband’s note to wife upset her, suggesting he only sees her as a mother and not a wife.
Comment discussing a husband’s note to wife and the internet’s divided reactions over why she is mad.
Comment discussing a husband’s note to wife, explaining why the wife might be upset despite his good intentions.
Reddit user explains why husband’s note to wife about family roles feels hurtful and causes emotional conflict online.
Reddit comment discussing husband’s note to wife and the reasons behind her frustration and lack of support.
Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a husband’s note to wife and why it upset her, highlighting family dynamics.
Reddit comment offering advice on a husband’s note to wife, highlighting relationship dynamics and emotional needs.
Comment discussing a husband’s note to wife, highlighting why she might be mad and how the note divides opinions online.
But others observed that more was going on here and both wife and husband were right
Commenter explains why husband’s note to wife causes division and the mental load of parenting moms face.
Reddit comment discussing a husband’s note to wife and why she might feel upset despite his loving words to their daughters.
Comment explaining why husband’s note to wife causes misunderstanding and anger during postpartum period.
And some thought the mom was completely delusional
Screenshot of an online comment discussing a husband’s note to wife and the reaction it sparked on the internet.
Reddit comment reading she needs a therapist honey, in a discussion about husband’s note to wife dividing internet opinions.
Reddit comment discussing jealousy and family issues in response to husband’s note to wife dividing internet opinions.
Thanks! Check out the results:
Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!
Follow Bored Panda on Google News!
Unlock an Enhanced Experience with Bored Panda Premium
Go ad-free, access unlimited content, and enjoy our sleek dark mode. Your favorite stories, uninterrupted.
No fees, cancel anytime
Olympian Makes Stunning Admission After Judge’s Conspicuous Scores Ignite Cheating Accusations
