Relationships aren’t a one-and-done kind of thing. They’re almost like living, breathing things that require constant care , affection, and attention. The more proactive you are in its upkeep, the more it’ll thrive. However, some folks might feel too exhausted, overwhelmed, or cynical to know where they could start to improve their romantic relationships . The key is to start small.
Inspired by user u/Dani0873, the members of the r/AskReddit online community revealed some of the small things they do to make their marriages stronger. Scroll down for some wholesomeness, and upvote the advice you thought was the most helpful. Meanwhile, we’ll be taking some notes…
We got in touch with the author of the viral thread, redditor u/Dani0873 . They were kind enough to answer our questions and share their perspective on relationships. Read on for Bored Panda’s interview with them.
Do the chores. Seriously. All the love notes and cuddles don’t mean s**t if you leave your dishes by the sink.
dimlord , Amina Filkins / Pexels Report
Solve problems don’t win fights.
Sandwichlover7504 , August de Richelieu / Pexels Report
We like each other. And act like it. A lot of couples seem to fall into a pattern of casual sniping and put-downs, which is uncomfortable to be around and I think erodes the relationship.
MaggieLuisa , J carter / Pexels Report
My wife who is 28 told me this past weekend that growing up she never did an Easter egg hunt, so she’s about to come home from work to an Easter egg hunt in the house. (Fake plastic eggs). I think doing fun things like this helps build our marriage further. I love her to pieces.
pulse726 , PhotoMIX Company / Pexels Report
Every day we lay down and hold each other tight for 5 minutes. No talking, no kissing or anything else. We both believe intimacy is crucial to a relationship and it can be as simple as laying down and holding each other tight for 5 minutes every day.
sneaky291 , Toa Heftiba / Unsplash Report
Chores, nothing makes me feel more like I have an equal partner than facing the daily burdens together. So pick up after yourself, clean the litter box when it’s your turn, wipe down the table after you’re done eating, make the bed if you wake up later than me, do the laundry when it’s needed without waiting for me to tell you, and for heaven’s sake PLEASE DON’T WAIT UNTIL I HAVE TO ASK (the mental load is real people, please look it up).
travmctts , RDNE Stock project / Pexels Report
Assume positive intent. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of assuming someone did something intentionally to hurt you. 9 times out of 10 for us it’s a simple mistake/lapse in judgement. If it’s a serious issue/problem then talk it out and explain why it happened, how to not have it happen in the future.
hoffabear , cottonbro studio / Pexels Report
Be excited about what they find exciting. He LOVES birds, ducks especially. We live on a lake, so he will see them in the water, and point them out. I never really cared, but looking out the window when he is like, ‘Oooh, that’s a canvas back!’ is not hard, and he finds more excitement in my acknowledgment. I can now tell what some of them are as they fly by when we are in the car, and his enjoyment is childlike (in a good way) and contagious. And now my house is decorated with (nice) waterfowl paintings. I would never have picked them when I was single, but he lives them, and at least it’s a theme.
Psychological-News57312 , Andres Ayrton / Pexels Report
- We always say thank you and show gratitude, even for the small things that are expected. - We never involve anyone else in our relationship, no parents, no friends. - We often ask each other questions like “how are you feeling?” or “how did you sleep?”. - We do most things together, even the meaningless things like going to get the mail and going to the grocery store. - We share our hobbies. We have all the same hobbies and it’s so much fun! - We always show each other casual small acts of affection. Random kiss, random hug, random butt slap.
ImmigrationJourney2 , Monstera Production / Pexels Report
30 years together and we still really like each other. This wouldn’t work for everyone, but honestly our main goal is to make each other laugh. We both work on making sure the other person feels appreciated. My husband makes dinner every night and I thank him for it every night, usually mentioning something in particular—“Whatever you did to this chicken recipe was great. It was delicious.” We regularly ask each other things like “Is there something you need from me that you’re not getting from me?” Also, and I’m not gonna lie, after spending time with other couples, we usually decide on the way home that we are nicer to each other and that we have more fun and then feel very smug.
WayOlderThanYou , Gary Barnes / Pexels Report
Grab each other’s butts. When you are mad… SAY IT! Stop holding it in and resenting the other person. FORGIVENESS. This app is so quick to tell people to leave or divorce. Relationships are hard and people aren’t perfect. Love the person for who they are not who you think they should be.
layzeeB , ABBPhoto / Envato Report
Flirt. A lot. I never want my spouse to feel unattractive or like he doesn’t deserve attention, especially as we get older or have been together for longer. Even if it’s not always meant in a “let’s have sex now” way, it always gets a giggle and it makes him feel good about himself, especially when I flirt with him in public lol. Even when went through a rough patch I never stopped hitting him with a “how you doin”. And don’t be afraid to act like you like each other in front of other people, it isn’t cool to only compliment or be affectionate with your spouse behind closed doors.
Time_Tough6858 , Pixabay / Pexels Report
Being best friends was helpful. You can literally just hang out and enjoy each others company. Even with three teenagers, we find time to just hang out with each other. You’ll talk about the kids and work inevitable, but you’re also just spending time together. That being said…you also need to spend time apart. Girls night out. Guys golf trip. It’s learning to balance. If someone is trying to unbalance it, then you need to talk about that right away.
CTnaturist , Vera Arsic / Pexels Report
Listening to my wife. Really listening.
Joseph-Sanford , KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA / Pexels Report
Whenever my partner mentions ANYTHING of interest, whether it is innocuous or an aside, something big or small, I add it to a private list I have. So whenever an event comes up (birthday, holiday, etc), I have a list of things that I know she would enjoy getting. This works for big gifts, small gifts, and everything in between. So if we have a gift budget of say $100, I can either get her 1 item for $100 or multiple items adding up to $100. Every time she is surprised and pleased with the gift(s). She was talking about a brand of pencil months ago that she loved and I got her a pack for valentines day + a book she has been wanting and she was elated.
ShneakySquiwwel , Dan Prado / Pexels Report
A couple should be a team, not opposing competitors! I hate any relationship advice that tells you how to ‘game’ your SO or the relationship.
goodmobileyes , Greta Hoffman / Pexels Report
Little gifts! My husband and I are like crows lol, if I find something small and shiny it goes to my husband, if he finds a neat rock it goes to me lol. It’s just one of those random little things that shows they’re thinking of you at sometimes the most unexpected times and it def always makes me feel more connected to my husband to both present and be presented with tiny knickknacks.
bri_2498 , Liza Summer / Pexels Report
Small favors. I HATED getting a sibling something (like a drink) because it seemed they would purposely wait until I got up to ask for it. BUT for my husband and I, I never say no, and neither does he. And it’s always appreciated. He will even get up and refill my drink if he sees it getting low without me asking. And I really appreciate this little thoughtfulness.
Psychological-News573 , Gary Barnes / Pexels Report
Love notes tucked away in lunch boxes.
Dazzling-Silver756 , Manuta / Envato Report
A lot of cuddles. Whenever we’re in bed or on the couch we’ll find the time to snuggle. Occasionally stopping to just admire one another. Being very open about our wants/needs/desires, even if they seem weird. Having little in-jokes. I have so many memories from when we’ve sat together, one of us playing Elden Ring and the other backseat driving, both providing commentary. It’s always fun.
CuckooPint , KoolShooters / Pexels Report
I’m divorced but I’ll tell you something I did wrong and that’s kind of the same thing right? Anyway I never let my wife verbally know how much I appreciated her I took her out and got her gifts but I just never outright told her “hey I appreciate you and everything you do” so idk if that helps but.
ScooterMcdooter69 Report
Ask your spouse about their day when they get home every single day. Even if you’re not in the mood and aren’t 100% into the conversation. You’d be surprised (myself anyways) how much I retain even if I’m not 100% mentally engaged.
hambone012 , YuriArcursPeopleimages / Envato Report
We don’t hold mistakes against each other. It’s not conducive to a lasting and happy marriage.
anon , Vija Rindo Pratama / Pexels Report
Humor and deep conversations about life.
Sukkulisboos666666 , Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / Unsplash Report
Know eachother’s strengths and weaknesses… and be a great team. My wife loves to cook but hates the prep and clean-up… So I help with the prep and clean up after we’re done. Also… Don’t fight about stupid s**t, not worth the bad feelings. Also… What ever the fight might be about, don’t go to bed angry. Make up before you wake up.
lifeishardass**t , Becca Tapert / Unsplash Report
So many things… We invest in each others love languages (mine is words of affirmation and his is quality time together) We have routines that emphasize our commitment (e.g. when we take off our wedding rings to exercise, the other person has to put the ring back on for you; we give each other a big good morning hug every day) We put each other first and always have a unified front in public. It’s us versus the problem; never him versus me We are each other’s safe space. There’s nothing I can’t share with him and vice versa. I’m never ashamed to be vulnerable in front of him because we never weaponize or make fun of those vulnerabilities We continue to date each other. Trivia night, dinner outings, concerts, etc. I dress up for him and vice versa when the occasion warrants it We laugh a lot together. We laugh at the tough situations. We always laugh together when something breaks or doesn’t go our way. Our first reaction is always humor We break down communication barriers quickly when something didn’t go as planned and something went wrong as a result We ALWAYS assume positive intent when confronting the other with an issue We are hugely transparent. Joint calendar, joint email; our phone passwords are the same; no secrets unless we say there’s a surprise being planned then we respect privacy as needed.
Legal_Opportunity851 , Anastasia Shuraeva / Pexels Report
I make her laugh almost every day.
Strong_Cranberry2084 , Vanessa Garcia / Pexels Report
There are a lot of small things: compliment her, get her treats and sweets when she is feeling down, or on her period, hug her, cuddle every night, etc.
Embarrassed-Ask-6134 Report
I change diapers, and she feeds. I sing Elvis and she gives massages. I bring home happy lemon about twice a week, and she brings home a snack. It’s really just being thoughtful of each other throughout each day and helping out wherever we can. I guess it’s really I’m never afraid to ask her “How can I help?” And she’s always willing to ask me if I’m doing okay.
jedi129 , Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels Report
Eye contact. Even for a few seconds. Magical.
roscatorosso , Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels Report
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