Since we were little, we all knew that insulting someone or calling names was a big no-no. However, life is full of big no-nos, and to counteract some of them, you have to use them for your own good. And an insult is probably one of the most used of the forbidden in the life of an adult.
However, we are not talking here about calling someone a beaner, bronco buster, or something by far nastier - the insults in our list will make the receiver shiver from your intelligence, quiver at their own incompetence, and feel the undeniable superiority of your wit. Yes, here they are, the best insults ever recorded on the internet, delivered fresh & hot right to your screen.
Knowing fully well that by spreading nasty, you only get nasty back, we’ve figured out that calling someone to get back to Earth requires certain finesse and flair; thus, calling someone a phallus head does not make it into our list.
Instead, these comebacks are as subtle as Claude Debussy’s Clair de Lune, as camouflaged as the workings of Sherlock Holmes, and as bright as Albert Einstein himself. Oh, also, as beautifully versed as the sonnets of Mr. William! So, we bet that out of these original insults, you’ll definitely find one to put in your pocket and air out when needed.
<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-1-65688717a425f__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Text graphic with witty insult: “I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.” - 1”>
I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
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I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop out a smarter statement than whatever you just said.
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May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm.
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I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-4-656887b9a0f4d__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Text on a beige background with the insult: “Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?” - 5”>
Don’t you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning?
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I’m glad to see you’re not letting education get in the way of your ignorance.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-6-65688812dbcbe__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Witty insult on pink background: “Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.” - 7”>
Keep rolling your eyes, you might eventually find a brain.
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Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parent’s job.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-10-656888d95e29b__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Witty insult on a pink background: “I am returning your nose. I found it in my business.” - 9”>
I am returning your nose. I found it in my business.
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I get so emotional when you’re not around. That emotion is happiness.
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You are so ugly that when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a ticket for littering.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-12-65688937cb8ed__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Tan background with text: “I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.” Humorous insult shown. - 12”>
I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t met you.
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You are the human version of period cramps.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-14-6568899753999__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Humorous insult text on a pink background: “You’ve only got 2 brain cells and they are both fighting for 3rd place.” - 14”>
You’ve only got 2 brain cells and they are both fighting for 3rd place.
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Isn’t it dangerous to use your whole vocabulary in one sentence?
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-17-65688a3831be7__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Insult skill example: “You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel,” on a red background. - 16”>
You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-16-656889f86bf08__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“A witty text on a mustard background, reads “I told my therapist about you,” showcasing a clever insult. - 17”>
I told my therapist about you.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-18-65688a65d7f42__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“A humorous insult on a pink background: “You are proof God has a sense of humor.” - 18”>
You are proof God has a sense of humor.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-19-65688a9248d3c__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Text on a mint green background reads: “I bet your mom doesn’t put your coloring pages on the fridge.” A skillful insult example. - 19”>
I bet your mom doesn’t put your coloring pages on the fridge.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-21-65688b0f20a67__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Text on a red background stating a clever insult: “You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.” - 20”>
You’re about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle.
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Oh, you don’t like being treated the way you treat me? That must suck.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-20-65688ad4cb519__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“A clever insult reads, “I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.” - 22”>
I thought of you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
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You’re so ugly even Stephen King has nightmares about you.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-24-65688b9dcedc9__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Text on beige background reads: “Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.” - 24”>
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-25-65688bdf3cfc0__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=““Text on a red background with a humorous insult mentioning being born on a highway and accidents.” - 25”>
You must have been born on a highway. That’s where most accidents happen.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-26-65688c124b828__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Text on a pink background reads: “Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.” - 26”>
Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-27-65688c3f0f3a0__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Insult image with text: “If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.” - 27”>
If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant.
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You’re a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake.
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I love what you’ve done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that?
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<img loading=“lazy” src=“https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/best-insults-30-65688cee50d12__700.jpg" onerror=“this.onerror=null;this.src=‘https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhe7F7TRXHtjiKvHb5vS7DmnxvpHiDyoYyYvm1nHB3Qp2_w3BnM6A2eq4v7FYxCC9bfZt3a9vIMtAYEKUiaDQbHMg-ViyGmRIj39MLp0bGFfgfYw1Dc9q_H-T0wiTm3l0Uq42dETrN9eC8aGJ9_IORZsxST1AcLR7np1koOfcc7tnHa4S8Mwz_xD9d0=s16000';" alt=“Pink background with text saying, “Yeah? Well, you smell like hot dog water,” showcasing a humorous insult. - 30”>
Yeah? Well, you smell like hot dog water.
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I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.
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You’re the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.
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You’re like the water that comes out of the ketchup bottle.
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If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet.
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I wish I had a flip phone, so I could slam it shut on this conversation.
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You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
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You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste.
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You’re the reason God created the middle finger.
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It’s impossible to underestimate you.
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You must be the arithmetic man - you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.
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Your face is just fine, but we’ll have to put a bag over that personality.
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Light travels faster than sound which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
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So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
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I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons with me.
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I’ll never forget the first time we met. But I’ll keep trying.
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If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty.
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I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral.
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Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot.
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I will ignore you so hard you will start doubting your existence.
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I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
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If I throw a stick, will you leave?
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If there was a market for bad ideas I’d want drilling rights to your head.
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You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel.
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I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed.
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The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.
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You’re living proof it’s possible to live without a brain.
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You push a lot of doors that say ‘pull’, don’t you?
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Hey, you have something on your chin. No, the 3rd one down.
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When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change… Except the direction I was walking in.
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You should really come with a warning label.
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Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.
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You are a fart factory, slug-slimed sack of rat guts in cat vomit. A cheesy scab picked pimple squeezing finger bandage. A week old maggot burger with everything on it and flies on the side.
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Child, I’ve forgotten more than you ever knew.
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If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
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I believed in evolution until I met you.
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I would never date you. I’m lonely, not desperate.
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Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go.
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I will slap you so hard even Google won’t be able to find you.
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If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around.
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Aww, it’s so cute when you try to talk about things you don’t understand.
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Two wrongs don’t make a right. Take your parents, for instance.
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You have a face only a mother could love.
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If I said anything to offend you it was purely intentional.
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Don’t let your mind wander… It’s far too small to wander on its own.
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I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
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Oops, my bad. I could’ve sworn I was dealing with an adult.
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You have so many gaps in your teeth it looks like your tongue is in jail.
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If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.
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You have an entire life to be an idiot. Why not take today off?
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OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!
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I forgot the world revolves around you. My apologies, how silly of me.
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I’m just glad that you’re stringing words into sentences now.
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Mirrors can’t talk. Lucky for you, they can’t laugh, either.
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If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
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You look like something I would draw with my left hand.
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I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.
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You’re a person of rare intelligence. It’s rare when you show any.
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You bring everyone so much joy! You know, when you leave the room. But, still.
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If I had a face like yours, I would sue my parents.
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People like you are the reason God doesn’t talk to us anymore.
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You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.
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Don’t try to think too hard. You’re so stupid it might sprain your brain.
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If you were any less intelligent I’d have to water you twice a week.
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Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone.
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If you went to a nursery you’d cause a crying spree.
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You bowl like your momma. Unless of course she bowls well, in which case you bowl nothing like her.
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Your face looks like a stuntman’s knee.
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Your face makes onions cry.
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I look ugly? Good. I was trying to look like you today.
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Your face looks like you’ve been using it as a doorstop.
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I know a mind reader who would charge you half price.
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Don’t worry about me. Worry about your eyebrows.
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You are proof that evolution can go in reverse.
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I’d say you’re ‘dumb as a rock,’ but at least a rock can hold a door open.
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I find the fact that you’ve lived this long both surprising and disappointing.
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You are the reason why shampoo has instructions.
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Were you born this stupid or did you take lessons?
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Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?
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If I typed ‘stupid’ in Google, your name would pop up.
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It’s hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.
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I’m busy right now, can I ignore you another time?
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I do not consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
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Good story, but in what chapter do you shut up?
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I’d rather treat my baby’s diaper rash than have lunch with you.
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You’re a conversation starter. Not when you are around, but once you leave.
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Please just tell me you don’t plan to home-school your kids.
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Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
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You are so full of crap, the toilet’s jealous.
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If you can’t laugh at yourself, I’d be glad to do so for you.
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You look like a dropped pie.
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People clap when they see you. They clap their hands over their eyes.
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Your only purpose in life is to become an organ donor.
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I’d slap you but I don’t want to make your face look any better.
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I’m an acquired taste. If you don’t like me, acquire some taste.
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Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
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Grab a straw, because you suck.
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If you were an inanimate object, you’d be a participation trophy.
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In the land of the witless, you would be king.
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The last time I saw a face like yours, I fed it a banana.
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Well, the jerk store called, and they’re running out of you.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
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Your secrets are always safe with me. I never even listen when you tell me them.
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As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?
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Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
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You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily.
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Bye. Hope to see you never.
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You look so pretty. Not at all gross, today.
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When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you?
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You’re my favorite person… Besides every other person I’ve ever met.
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Your mouth should be as silent as the ‘p’ in psychology.
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You’re so stupid that it’s illegal for military to draft you.
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I was today years old when I realized I didn’t like you.
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Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
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You’ve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago.
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Serial killers would run mad if they tried to make you a victim.
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Your eyebrows look like eagle’s wings.
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You need lemons to make lemonade and you ain’t got no lemons.
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Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?
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